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How to express inner anxiety?

Page last modified on: May 27, 2009

Question from Daisy: How do you manage that inner anxiety that comes when you feel alone? As a wife, mother, and grandmother, you live presenting a positive attitude and being thankful each day. However, I cannot express my inner feelings or concerns. It seems as if it's all about how well you are doing on the "outside.": Answers —Mitch Golant, Ph.D.: That's a great question. The way we've been thinking about answering that question stems from the point of view of support. In particular is that family and friends want to be as helpful and caring as possible. They often find themselves in the position of saying things like "You're going to be fine" or "Everything's going to be okay." And painfully, that has the effect of holding your feelings inside, like they're not really interested in hearing about your emotions. One of the real values of a support group, especially professionally facilitated support groups, is that it creates a safe place to express emotions and that you're with others who understand what you're going through.; Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.: I think we all have to give thought to the value of trying to always maintain a positive face. In many circumstances, particularly the family, it's possible to think about being neither positive nor negative, but being real. And it's quite okay to express to those around you that this recovery is tough. Most people actually know it's tough, and we play a game pretending it's not. We make it easier for those around us at our own expense. When somebody asks how you're doing, it's quite appropriate to say that this is difficult. And, of course, I have to say as Mitch said that there is probably nothing as positive as support groups to get rid of the feelings of being alone.

On Wednesday, April 29, 2009, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Managing Fear and Anxiety. Mitch Golant, Ph.D. and Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. answered your questions about dealing with fear and reducing the stresses that can accompany breast cancer.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Mitch Golant, Ph.D. is a health psychologist and senior vice president of research and development for the national office of The Wellness Community, which provides free psychological and emotional support to help people with cancer on their path to recovery. His research focuses on the benefits of online and community support groups for women with breast cancer.

Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. is administrative supervisor for psychosocial programs at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Lauder Breast Center in New York City, where she leads weekly support groups for women with early and advanced breast cancer.