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Conflict in feelings between partners?

Page last modified on: August 15, 2008
Question from new life: I am strangely calm about my situation, which seems to upset my partner. How can I help him to be accepting but still fight it with me? I don't intend giving in to it and letting it run my life.
Answer —David Spiegel, Ph.D.: What sometimes happens in couples is that each member picks up one side of their joint ambivalence and that can be a problem because it can drive a wedge between them instead of helping them deal together with the same issues. So, it sounds to me as though you are somewhat conflicted about showing any emotion related to the illness, feeling that you would just be giving in to it and collapsing if you did, and I suspect that the more constrained you are the more emotional he is. He is feeling things for both of you. So I suspect that if you let yourself be a little more emotional he might be a little less.

On Wednesday, October 18, 2000, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Feelings about Breast Cancer. David Spiegel, Ph.D. and moderator Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about the emotional effects of breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

David Spiegel, Ph.D.David Spiegel, Ph.D. is professor and associate chairman of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University School of Medicine.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.

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