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How to talk about husband's feelings?

Page last modified on: August 18, 2008
Question from Beffie: When my husband and I are intimate, I feel him tense up when he goes to touch me. He says there isn't a problem. How can I get him to open up about his feelings?
Answers —Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: Your husband may be tense, but you also may be very sensitive right now. Sometimes it helps just to start with some lovemaking and let nature take its course. If your husband remains tense, then it may be time to talk more about feelings.
Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: How would she bring it up?
Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: Sometimes it is helpful to bring up issues about sex outside the bedroom. Sometimes it is nice to wait until you have some private time when you are both relaxed. That will help make the conversation more relaxed.
Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: It's also helpful not to make it sound like a criticism, but rather something that you noticed that you were concerned about, that you wanted to help make it better for both of you.

On Wednesday, February 21, 2001, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Intimacy and Sexuality. Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D., and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about how breast cancer diagnosis and treatment affect your sex life.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D.Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist with a special interest in helping people resolve or manage their sexual problems, especially those problems connected with a chronic illness such as cancer.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.

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