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How to accept surgery scar?

Page last modified on: September 3, 2008
Question from Becca: I know I'm supposed to look at myself in the mirror and accept the way I look with a huge scar across my chest, but I've tried that again and again and I just can't stand looking at it. I'm worried that my low body image will ruin my self-confidence and any chances I might have of finding a steady partner.
Answers —Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: It has become politically correct to advise women to learn to love their scars, but there is no right or wrong when it comes to feeling attractive. If you feel more comfortable making love wearing a lacy camisole and your breast prosthesis, that is fine as long as you and a partner are in harmony. If you feel that your loss of a breast is keeping you from trying to meet someone new, perhaps you may want to consider whether breast reconstruction is an option for you.
Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N.: I think intimacy involves more than your body image. It involves how you feel about yourself, in total, and how you feel about a potential partner. Intimacy begins in the mind.
Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: A very wonderful sex therapist, Dr. Wendy Schain, has a very thoughtful daughter who said that "intimacy" means "into me you will see." If you are able to create and sustain a closeness with somebody, then you already accomplished something very magical that is probably more special and difficult to find than the sexual part that you may want to have follow.
Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N.: You should take things one step at a time.

On Wednesday, February 20, 2002, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Intimacy, Sex and Your Love Life. Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D., Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N., and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about how to improve your sex life during and after breast cancer treatment.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D.Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist with a special interest in helping people resolve or manage their sexual problems, especially those problems connected with a chronic illness such as cancer.

Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N. is a hematology-oncology nurse at the Peterson Cancer Center of the Stanford Hospital in Stanford, California, and President of Cancer ACCESS, an advocacy and counseling organization for people affected by cancer.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.

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