How to address husband's concerns?
Meet the Experts
Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist with a special interest in helping people resolve or manage their sexual problems, especially those problems connected with a chronic illness such as cancer. She is the author of patient education booklets published by the American Cancer Society titled “Sexuality and Cancer: For the Woman with Cancer and Her Partner,” and “Sexuality and Cancer: For the Man with Cancer and His Partner.”
Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N. is a hematology-oncology nurse at the Peterson Cancer Center of the Stanford Hospital in Stanford, California, and President of Cancer ACCESS, an advocacy and counseling organization for people affected by cancer.
Marisa Weiss, M.D. is an oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.
Question from Andrea Lyle: My husband saw me in pain for a long time, and I think he's worried that he might hurt me as we return to our old sex life. How can I identify and offset his concerns?
- Answers —Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: It's good that you're communicating and that he feels free to express his concerns with you. That's a great place to start!
- Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N.: It would help your husband if you and he could agree that if he does hurt you, you will either tell him or give him some kind of signal that lets him know. This would help him worry less about causing you pain during sex. Many times the people we love imagine that we are in more pain than we actually are. It's very helpful to agree that you will let your partner know when you're in pain.
- Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: It can also be difficult to switch from caretaker to lover if your husband was helping you during your period of more acute illness. It may be important to get some romance back into your relationship so that you can feel like lovers again.
- Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: In addition to letting your partner know when something might be uncomfortable, it's just as important to let your partner know when something feels good. Positive reinforcement will always work well.
On Wednesday, February 20, 2002, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Intimacy, Sex and Your Love Life. Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D., Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N., and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about how to improve your sex life during and after breast cancer treatment.
The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.
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