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Will reaction to husband's desire get better?

Page last modified on: September 3, 2008

Question from Rocky: My husband wants sex; he reaches for me all the time, but I pull away. Will it get better?: Answers —Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: You may have to work on your reactions. If your first impulse is to pull away, take a moment to identify what thoughts and feelings you're having. You may be having some negative thoughts about your breast cancer that are interfering with your usual wish to be close.; Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N.: If you and your husband had frequent intercourse before your illness, he may see your reluctance now as a rejection of him. If you can identify why you hesitate to be intimate, it will be easier for you to share your feelings with your husband. As was said earlier, it's important to keep the lines of communication open between you.; Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: It may be worth trying other types of sex besides intercourse. Oral sex, manual sex, plus other ideas that you may have in mind. This may take some pressure off you, and these encounters may be enjoyable to you, knowing that it's unlikely that you will feel physically uncomfortable during them. If you are giving pleasure to your husband and if you find it's a turn-on for you, then you could switch gears and then reconsider the possibility of intercourse.

On Wednesday, February 20, 2002, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Intimacy, Sex and Your Love Life. Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D., Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N., and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about how to improve your sex life during and after breast cancer treatment.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist with a special interest in helping people resolve or manage their sexual problems, especially those problems connected with a chronic illness such as cancer.

Debra Thaler-DeMers, R.N., O.C.N., P.H.N. is a hematology-oncology nurse at the Peterson Cancer Center of the Stanford Hospital in Stanford, California, and President of Cancer ACCESS, an advocacy and counseling organization for people affected by cancer.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.