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Renewal of intimacy in lesbian relationship?

Page last modified on: September 22, 2008
Question from Website Question: What advice do you have for a lesbian couple where one has just finished chemo and radiation (43 years old) and the other one has also gone through a different kind of stress (caretaker) and we have a three-year-old? Our sex life and intimacy has gone to the lowest level in our relationship. We don't sleep well or enough and this is also taking its toll.
Answers —Su Kenderdine, M.D.: First, you guys just need to hold each other and caress each other and be gentle with each other and with your three-year-old. Your first priority for all of you is naps and daydreaming together and peaceful times. I would urge you to think caressing, not sex, and let it be that, and if it's a couple of months, that's fine. Sleep and caress, caress and sleep.

I think the less demands you put on one another and the gentler you are with your frailties, the better. It can be a time when you draw closer together rather than get pulled apart. Human frailty is one of the most beautiful things about us, and our truest love shows when we're frail and weak and in need, not when we're strong and perfect and winning the marathon.
Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: Communication between you is also critical. Here, gentleness and compassion for each other are also critical.

On Wednesday, May 19, 2004, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Sleep or Sex? You Can Have Both! Su Carroll Kenderdine, M.D. and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about how to maintain sexual intimacy during and after treatment, what to do for loss of libido and vaginal dryness, ways to reduce the fatigue related to breast cancer, and more.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Su Carroll Kenderdine, M.D. is a family doctor and breast cancer survivor who conducts workshops on sexuality for women recovering from breast cancer.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.

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