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How to talk to husband about interest in sex?

Page last modified on: October 7, 2008
Question from Betty: I've only recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and reading this chat has made me realize I'm not alone, but also has me fearing the future of my marriage. My husband is extremely sexually motivated. How can I get him to understand that I physically won't be able to at times once treatment starts?
Answers —Kara Nakisbendi, M.D.: I think the greatest prognosis for sex lives after cancer treatment, or at least the potential for a good sex life, is having had one before. But it's important to educate your husband that some of the treatments at times are going to affect your interest in sex. We forget that men, while they may just want to have sex, really have sex to be connected to their partner, and it's important they understand it's not a rejection of them but because of the treatments that are affecting them at the moment. Again, education and telling them what's going on is important.
Leslie Schover, Ph.D.: I would also add that it's important not to get into the mode of feeling like you have to service your husband by having sex when you don't really want to. If you do that a lot, eventually it could take away your desire for sex and leave you feeling angry about it.

On Wednesday, February 20, 2008, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Sex, Intimacy, and Breast Cancer. Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. and Kara Nakisbendi, M.D. answered your questions about sexual side effects of breast cancer and breast cancer treatment, and what you can do about them.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D.Leslie R. Schover, Ph.D. is a renowned psychologist with a special interest in helping people resolve or manage their sexual problems, especially those problems connected with a chronic illness such as cancer.

Kara Nakisbendi, M.D. is a Board Certified Obstetrician and Gynecologist, a Board Certified Nutrition Specialist and a Fellow of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

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