Home → Day-to-Day Matters → Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer → Ask-the-Expert Conferences: Family, Friends, Relationships → September 2004: Family and Loved Ones → Help for anger at mom for hiding feelings?

Help for anger at mom for hiding feelings?

Page last modified on: September 24, 2008

Question from Simone: I know it's irrational and unfair, but I can't help feeling a little angry with my mom, who's dealing with breast cancer. I so want to help her, but she just keeps saying everything's okay, when sometimes I can see she's been crying, or is in pain or really tired. What can I do?: Answer —Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.: The only thing that you can do is to assure your Mom that you're there to help her, and that you love and care for her. And maybe this is a time when she doesn't have to feel that she has to protect you, and that all energy is going to be devoted to taking care of her.

On the other hand, what your mother is doing is very strong and protective. As your mother, she has always taken care of you. She wants to continue in her caregiver role, and by telling you that she's just fine, she's also talking to herself and trying to give herself a boost. You need to let her do what she's most comfortable doing.

On Wednesday, September 15, 2004, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Family and Loved Ones. Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W., author Marc Silver, and moderator Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about the issues surrounding family members and caregivers living with and caring for women affected by breast cancer.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. is administrative supervisor for psychosocial programs at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Lauder Breast Center in New York City, where she leads weekly support groups for women with early and advanced breast cancer.

Marc Silver is the author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.