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Best way for friends to provide support?

Page last modified on: September 24, 2008
Question from Website Question: My best friend has Stage IV cancer, and has not had any success with chemo or radiation. The cancer keeps growing while she is being treated. She is going to apply for clinical trials. Hopefully, she will find something new that will reverse her situation. Her friends are her primary support system, and we find it difficult to maintain a hopeful, positive attitude all of the time. What is the best way for us to support her?
Answer —Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.: The best approach is to let her take the lead. After having such a difficult time, it's only realistic for her to have feelings of pessimism and/or hopelessness. It is not helpful to try to wash that away with false wishes of optimism. She needs to be allowed to express her feelings, regardless of how difficult and painful they may be. While the situation sounds very difficult, you can maintain some hope that these clinical trials will provide some relief for her. It might be also helpful for this person to find a support group for patients with metastatic disease.

On Wednesday, September 15, 2004, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Family and Loved Ones. Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W., author Marc Silver, and moderator Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about the issues surrounding family members and caregivers living with and caring for women affected by breast cancer.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. is administrative supervisor for psychosocial programs at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Lauder Breast Center in New York City, where she leads weekly support groups for women with early and advanced breast cancer.

Marc SilverMarc Silver is the author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.

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