Home → Day-to-Day Matters → Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer → Ask-the-Expert Conferences: Family, Friends, Relationships → September 2004: Family and Loved Ones → Anything a husband can do to ease fears?

Anything a husband can do to ease fears?

Page last modified on: September 24, 2008

Question from Website Question: My wife is recovering from Stage II, node positive (two nodes) breast cancer. She finished chemo and radiation and is now on tamoxifen. It has been 10 months since the diagnosis, and she is naturally fearful of a recurrence. As a husband, is there anything I can do to allay some of her fears?: Answers —Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.: Let's go back to what Marc said a short time ago: hurry up and do nothing. The important thing is to sit by her, hold her hand, do fun things, and listen to her fears. You have to walk a fine line. You want to validate the feeling your wife has without validating the reality of what she's saying. You understand how frightened she is, but you can remind her of the treatment she went through and the good care she received. While most people remain fearful for quite some time, the vast majority of breast cancer patients live long, healthy lives.; Marc Silver, author: I can really relate to your feelings. My wife also had Stage II disease and was very worried about recurrence after her active treatment ended. Her oncologist said something that has really stayed with us. He told Marsha and me, "You can spend all your time worrying about a recurrence. If you never have a recurrence, you've wasted all that time worrying. And if you do have a recurrence, you've still wasted all that time worrying when you could have been enjoying life." That's not to say we don't worry, because we're only human. But we do try to keep his words in mind and to enjoy ourselves a little bit more than we did before cancer entered our lives.

On Wednesday, September 15, 2004, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Family and Loved Ones. Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W., author Marc Silver, and moderator Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about the issues surrounding family members and caregivers living with and caring for women affected by breast cancer.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. is administrative supervisor for psychosocial programs at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Lauder Breast Center in New York City, where she leads weekly support groups for women with early and advanced breast cancer.

Marc Silver is the author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond.

Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.