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Best way to express concern to ailing friend?

Page last modified on: October 7, 2008
Question from Nancy: How do I support a friend with a potentially fatal outcome and not dash her hopes of recovery? What is the best way to express my concerns for her?
Answers —Lidia Schapira, M.D.: Your friend needs to know that you celebrate every day that you are here and together. You can talk about your sense of impending loss if you think it is appropriate to discuss with her, and also talk about the good times you've had together. Even if you know that she will die soon, it is really important to stay in the picture, remind her of your love, and find reasons to express joy at the bonds you share, and your close friendship.
Jennifer Armstrong, M.D.: You may want to ask her how you can best support her, especially if you're able to phrase it as beautifully as you did for this question, in that you want to support her in every way possible. Sometimes when it's difficult to talk about the disease, it's easier to talk about the friendship, and how much she means to you, and why. If you're willing to talk with her about what she's going through, willing to listen to her fears, and willing to be there when she doesn't want to talk about anything, she is lucky to have you.

On Wednesday, March 15, 2006, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Coping with Your Changing Feelings and Relationships. Lidia Schapira, M.D. and moderator Jennifer Armstrong, M.D. answered your questions about facing your fears head-on, handling moodiness and depression, diffusing tension with your partner and feeling close without sexual activity, as well as issues of self-image and femininity.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Lidia Schapira, M.DLidia Schapira, M.D. is a medical oncologist at the Gillette Center for Breast Oncology at the Massachusetts General Hospital and an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Jennifer Armstrong, M.D.Jennifer Armstrong, M.D. is a breast cancer oncologist at Paoli Hematology-Oncology Associates in Paoli, Pa., with a special interest in physicians' communication skills.

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