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Reveal experience in new relationship?

Page last modified on: October 8, 2008
Question from lesley: Do you have any advice for someone entering into a new relationship about revealing my new shape (after mastectomy) to a potential new partner?
Answers —Lidia Schapira, M.D.: I've had many chats with patients over the years about this point, and I think that it's a very sensitive issue. Some women feel comfortable disclosing the details of their medical history and possible scars very early on, and others wait until the relationship has a more solid foundation and they are ready to become physically close. I can't tell you the right moment exactly. It depends on how you and your partner work out the details of the relationship. But I must say that in order to build a trusting and open relationship, it is important to talk about this relatively early on. The exact moment depends upon the circumstances and the two of you. I wish you the best of luck.
Jennifer Armstrong, M.D.: Sometimes it can be helpful to think about when in a developing relationship you would want or anticipate or expect reciprocal disclosure if it existed. For instance, if your partner were feeling that he or she had a significant issue concerning their physical health, appearance or otherwise, when you would feel the time is right for him or her to talk to you about that? That can sometimes give you a sense of where you are in the relationship, and the closeness that you've formed.

On Wednesday, March 15, 2006, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Coping with Your Changing Feelings and Relationships. Lidia Schapira, M.D. and moderator Jennifer Armstrong, M.D. answered your questions about facing your fears head-on, handling moodiness and depression, diffusing tension with your partner and feeling close without sexual activity, as well as issues of self-image and femininity.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Lidia Schapira, M.DLidia Schapira, M.D. is a medical oncologist at the Gillette Center for Breast Oncology at the Massachusetts General Hospital and an assistant professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School.

Jennifer Armstrong, M.D.Jennifer Armstrong, M.D. is a breast cancer oncologist at Paoli Hematology-Oncology Associates in Paoli, Pa., with a special interest in physicians' communication skills.

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