Home → Day-to-Day Matters → Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer → Ask-the-Expert Conferences: Family, Friends, Relationships → May 2006: Talking with Kids About Breast Cancer → Ex-wife's cancer causing son to be clingy?

Ex-wife's cancer causing son to be clingy?

Page last modified on: October 9, 2008

Question from Jazzfan: My son has become really clingy since my ex-wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. We share custody, and he's saying he doesn't want to go back to her house when his weeks with me end. I want to do what's best for him and for my ex, but I just don't know what that is. Any advice?: Answer —Paula Rauch, M.D.: This is hard to answer without knowing more about your son's age and the issues surrounding his moving back and forth from home to home. If the transition of going from house to house was proceeding pretty easily and calmly prior to your ex-wife's diagnosis, it is reasonable to wonder whether the likely additional stress and distress in the house is being picked up by your son. If the environment at his mother's house continues to be calm and loving, it is important to support the continuing custody and living arrangements. If you and your child's mother are able to co-parent around this difficult issue, it would be great if you could brainstorm together about what he may be reacting to. For many divorced couples, this just doesn't feel possible to do without additional professional support. If that's the case, I would encourage you to seek help in order to support your son and his relationship with both his parents during this difficult time.

On Wednesday, May 17, 2006, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Talking with Kids about Breast Cancer. Paula Rauch, M.D. and Tamara Shulman, Ph.D., F.A.A.C.P. answered your questions about specific ways to support your kids while you undergo treatment, and different communication strategies for helping your kids to feel secure during a time of uncertainty.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Paula K. Rauch, M.D. is a child psychiatrist on the Harvard Medical School faculty and practices at the Massachusetts General Hospital. She founded and directs the Massachusetts General Hospital Cancer Center parenting program known as Parenting At a Challenging Time (PACT).

Tamara Shulman, Ph.D., FAACP Tamara Shulman, Ph.D., F.A.A.C.P. is a clinical psychologist based in the New York City area who works with adults, adolescents, and children deal with the crisis of serious illness.