Home → Day-to-Day Matters → Talking to Your Family and Friends About Breast Cancer → Ask-the-Expert Conferences: Family, Friends, Relationships → February 2007: Partners, Loved Ones, Caregivers: Taking Care of You → Help for partner's negative view of self?

Help for partner's negative view of self?

Page last modified on: October 16, 2008

Question from jao: My partner uses the word "mutilated" to describe her condition—mastectomy and DIEP reconstruction. Is this something she has to work through at her own pace or is there something I can do?: Answers —Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W.: Absolutely she has to work it out at her own pace. The job of the partner is to be patient and supportive. There's no way to tell her that she's wrong or misguided. It's more an emotion than a response to reality. The DIEP (deep inferior epigastric perforator) reconstruction is one of the best available and generally produces excellent results. This person's response to it is intensely individual and internal, and in time will improve.; Marc Silver, author: My wife had bilateral breast cancer and had lumpectomies. She has a dent in one breast as a result. Sometimes she'll ask me, "Do you mind the dent?" And I tell her, "No, not at all." I think when you're going through times like this, the words "I love you" become very important in a marriage.

On Wednesday, February 21, 2007, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Partners, Loved Ones, Caregivers: Taking Care of You. Author Marc Silver and moderator Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. answered your questions about how you can take care of your loved one and yourself during and after breast cancer treatment.

The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.

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Meet the Experts

Marc Silver is the author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond.

Rosalind Kleban, L.C.S.W. is administrative supervisor for psychosocial programs at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's Lauder Breast Center in New York City, where she leads weekly support groups for women with early and advanced breast cancer.