- Question from Janis D: My family hasn't spoken with me since they learnt of my relationship. Now I have been diagnosed, I really need their support but don't know how to approach them.
- Answers —Lisa Weissmann, M.D.: Without knowing the specifics, what I would say is that most families will hopefully reach out to you in your time of need. I think that being able to speak with your family honestly about your diagnosis and explaining to them how important it is to you at this moment in time to feel that you have their support at least around this medical issue may help them find some way to be able to reach out to you. Many families may have difficulty acknowledging and/or accepting a gay child's lifestyle, but will be moved to be a parent in support of their child when they are ill or suffering emotionally. So how comfortable you feel telling your family about your medical condition and your diagnosis and explicitly asking for their support will at least let you know where you stand and where you need to turn to get the support you need.
- Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: This hope and expectation of your family is so natural and important. It is also possible that they may not come through and that will feel like a profound disappointment.
- Cheryl Pearson-Fields, M.P.H.: I think people have to judge their family realistically. And sometimes they will disappoint you. We have certainly had patients whose families found out about their partner and their homosexuality after they were diagnosed with cancer, and there have been many scenes around the country and in hospitals between partners and families. It's really important to be clear in those cases with your health care provider on who you designate as responsible if you can't make your own health care decisions, and that's where having legal documentation is important.
- Marisa Weiss, M.D., president and founder: I have sat through several uncomfortable meetings where these issues were brewing. I was able to help my patients in those settings by asserting a level of respect for each person in the room and by addressing my patients and her partner as a team, but also being respectful of the parents. I think that helps a great deal establish a healthy atmosphere in which to take the best care of each other. In two of these situations, this was orchestrated ahead of time after a careful discussion with my patients. Together we decided how to handle it. She told me how she wanted me to lead this situation. Again, by letting your doctor know who you are and the issues that challenge you, you can help them take better care of you.
On Wednesday, November 21, 2001, our Ask-the-Expert Online Conference was called Lesbians and Breast Cancer. Lisa Weissmann, M.D., Cheryl Pearson-Fields, M.P.H., and Marisa Weiss, M.D. answered your questions about being gay and having breast cancer.
The materials presented in these conferences do not necessarily reflect the views of breastcancer.org. A qualified healthcare professional should be consulted before using any therapeutic product or regimen discussed. All readers should verify all information and data before employing any therapies described here.
A production of LiveWorld, Inc.
Copyright 2008. All rights reserved.
_tcm8-332386.jpg "wellness_dvd_promo")
Lisa Weissmann, M.D. is an attending physician at Mount Auburn Hospital in Cambridge, Massachusetts, dedicated to breast cancer care, with an appointment at Harvard Medical School.
Marisa Weiss, M.D. is a radiation oncologist specializing in breast cancer and the founder, president, and guiding force behind Breastcancer.org.
