"On October 31, I dreamed of my father, who had died 11 years ago, and tells me in the dream, 'Nena has breast cancer.' Stay awake and alert....
"I have been very tired in the last years and with a pain in the upper part of the belly on the right side. So I had some liver exams and biliary exams but I had not returned the mammogram since 2012. I had the low white blood cells in 2013 and I went to the hematology, but I did not know why. The fatigue continued, and it was getting worse. In August I started a headache that was initially thought to be the glasses, I suspended a mastery study that was advancing, and change three times of glasses. The ophthalmologist said everything is fine with his eyes, so I made a cerebellar and also went well. But there was the headache, the pain in the side and if some activity was totally exhausted. So with those words of my father in the dream, stick to the ceiling. It was already November 1.
"That same day I asked for an appointment with the family doctor who sent me the mammography, they did it to me that day at 6:30 pm, I hardly got to the appointment because there was a huge [traffic jam]. So the young lady who took care of me treated me aggressively, scolded me because I did not choose the correct position in front of the mammogram from the first moment, but I do not care, she told me, 'I have to run with this.'
"I was told that on November 15 I got the results, but on Saturday, Saturday, at 5 pm, the results arrived in the mail, saying that it was a BI-RADS 4c. I remained in schock, I could no longer doubt my father's words. So that day, call my mother who lives in another continent to my brothers who live in other cities.
"I live alone, so I said good to move then!!
"Go back to where the family doctor, who immediately sent me to do the biopsy, on Wednesday, November 9th I did the Tru-cut biopsy, in the surgery room, the fear caused my blood pressure to rise.
"The most difficult thing until that moment had been not having close people with whom to speak, in a more humane way. When I said I'm waiting for the result of the biopsy, I've been told, 'Is [it] that you have to solve a problem with your mom?', 'With your dad?', 'With one of your partners?', 'Is [it] something you have not healed from the past?', etc. Go support to go to the very same f%$#, or I seek the cancer...when I thought to tell a psychologist, then, a small child that gives cancer, which is what I had to heal...tells me...because...it is that when he was going to come to this world he decided that he would give him cancer as a child...that is, it is the fault of one who has cancer.. so I did not find people with which I could talk about that did not make me feel guilty, that I had gone to the sky market to buy the cancer.
"I asked for vacations; how can one be working and go to the medical services, ask for appointments, authorizations, rows, etc. while working? The first five days after the pathology left me incapacitated. The pathology was infiltrating carcinoma, nottingham 8/9 and histological grade 3, something that I do not know what it means so far.
"Then go back to the oncologist, who sends a hypo-histochemistry, then you have to go through the tissue samples to the first laboratory that did the pathology and take it to another. The delivery of these fabrics are made in paraffin cylinders and some plates...but it takes about 20 days if they do it between laboratories and if you go and do the rows, management, order, the letter, etc, about 6 working days....
"While those days were good, I went to the swimming pool, to the sauna, to walk, to listen to audiobooks, and to do the sistica to each activity, I felt very good, more rested, as free without having to go to the office.
"After an aunt invited me to a farm in a cooler area where I live, to talk about all that was happening to me...but I also invite other cousins that I did not see more than 30 years ago...so I do not feel very good neither the weather nor the company, we were in another synchrony, I thinking about what I'm going to do and them on vacation.... So I can not talk much of what happened to me, my aunt had an immense cold so I I fish it and go back to my rather constipated city.
"Finally I already have the result of the second laboratory already says: triple negative and Ki67 present at 35%. Oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
"I have a sister who, since I told her that I had done the mammogram, says to me, 'Tranquility is nothing, trust in God.' Every day sends notes of religious things, but she does not call me or write to me to ask me how I am.... I will be very sensitive and I expect more from the family; what a mistake, being single, being 53 and living alone.
"Now since I know it is a triple-negative, I have been tearful, sensitive...and I feel that I am not able to face what is coming....
"Well now, first I'm going to put a clip, get an aspiration biopsy of the sentinel lymph node, start chemotherapy and pray to God, 'Let the chemo work.'
"In the last weeks have appeared and disappeared friends and friends.... I think it is better that they rotate so they do not burn with this situation...so I try not to lie to anyone...but I really feel very alone."
-- marias - Cali, Valle del Cauca, Colombia