Talking to Children About Breast Cancer
Being honest about a breast cancer diagnosis with children of any age can be very difficult for everyone. But keeping a diagnosis from children can do more harm than good. Children can sense when something is wrong — especially if they notice changes in your appearance and energy levels or that you’re going to a lot of long doctor’s appointments. Sharing even basic information with children can keep them from imagining a far worse situation.
When speaking to a child of any age about a cancer diagnosis, it’s a good idea to plan what you’re going to say in advance and schedule time so you won’t be disturbed. Some people find it helpful to either include their partners in the conversation or another adult who is important to their children. If you decide to include another adult in the conversation, it’s essential that you both provide the child with the same information.
Regardless of how old they are, children need reassurance. It’s always a good idea to explain what breast cancer is and how it’s treated and any possible side effects, such as hair loss or feeling tired. It’s also a good idea to remind children that:
the cancer isn’t contagious
it’s not their fault if you feel sad, angry, or tired
your doctors are doing all they can for you
you are still there for them, regardless of how you feel
you can still do things together, such as reading a book or watching a movie
they can ask you any questions whenever they have them
they can continue participating in after-school activities and spending time with their friends
Children younger than 9 years old don’t typically need as many details as older children and teenagers.
Younger children may feel more supported if they understand that other people may need to step in to take them to school, play with them, or make their meals — ideally, someone they know, such as your partner or a trusted family member or friend.
Older children and teenagers who are aware of cancer are more likely to worry about death, so it’s important to ask them regularly how they’re feeling. It’s also a good idea to ask your children what they’ve heard from friends and teachers or even on social media so you can correct any misinformation.
Sometimes it’s easier for kids to confide in a teacher, school counselor, or therapist. These adults can let you know how your child is doing, and they can become a source of additional care and support. Some children may also benefit from in-person or online support groups.
— Last updated on November 30, 2022 at 3:28 PM