La confianza te sienta bien: vestirse tras el diagnóstico de cáncer de mama (seno)

Dr. Marisa Weiss: I'm so excited to spend this time with you to explore not just style, but also the confidence and self-expression that come with it. It's an opportunity for you to sort of find yourself again and put yourself out there in a way that you want to because for sure a breast cancer diagnosis can affect our identity and sometimes that includes the way we feel when we look in the mirror. Many of us have moments when we wonder how to feel like ourselves again and look like ourselves even if we find a new normal that we want for ourselves. Today's webinar is for anyone who wants to reclaim your sense of self or develop a whole new style that feels right for you where you are in your life right now and in the future.

It's about giving you practical, accessible tools to help you feel comfortable, confident and stylish. This is not work. This should be fun. It should be an exploration no matter where you are in your treatment or how far you're maybe past it, this is an important webinar for you, one you can visit over and over again. For anyone going through hair thinning or hair loss, weight changes, a new chest size or hot flashes, you deserve to feel strong, empowered, comfortable, and authentically you. Remember, style is not about perfection. It's about self-expression and feeling good in your own skin. And I know there's a lot of trial and error, just a lot of exploration, trying new things, trying it on, seeing if it fits, if it works for you. Our hope is that you will leave today's webinar with easy, affordable, and interesting ideas to try that will bring you joy and uplift you.

First, I want to thank our sponsor Prime Prometics for making this event possible. We really appreciate their support. We are so honored to welcome the one and only Emma John. Emma is the founder of Sisterhood of Style. She's a long-time personal stylist and content creator who helps people discover their style and find confidence. She's a mom, a breast cancer survivor, and a woman who's gone through menopause. And in those different roles, different hats, different clothes, she understands what it's like to have a busy life and a changing body. Through encouragement, humor, and poignant insights, she helps her clients look and feel their best.

Thank you so much, Emma, for joining us today. This is a quote about empowerment from Emma's writing that I want to share with you. "Wearing something fabulous on a day you feel like hell is an act of defiance." I know many of us can relate to that sentiment of wanting to do something when cancer steals so much from us. And when we ask you during registration for this webinar about your biggest style issue, here's what you said. 35% of you are looking for ways to complement your body, 23%, look in the closet and see very few good options. There are about equal votes for not knowing how to dress your age and just feeling too tired and overwhelmed to plan outfits. The good news is that we have suggestions and ideas that we hope are helpful to everyone. Now I'm thrilled to introduce Emma John. Emma, welcome.

Emma John: Thank you so much for having me.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: We're thrilled to have you. Emma, I wanted to start out with your story when you were diagnosed with breast cancer. Can you tell us something about that?

Emma John: Yes. Hello, everyone. I am a 51-year-old breast cancer survivor, very, very happily. I was diagnosed at the end of 2021, so Auckland in New Zealand where I'm from and speaking from right now. We were in the middle of one of our longest lockdowns during COVID, and we had been in that lockdown for about three months. So, I had missed my planned mammogram and we had gone in and out of lockdowns in Auckland particularly. And so, I'd missed my annual mammogram that year and had it scheduled for late November. Went along, forgot even to tell my husband that I was going because it was an annual checkup for me, not a big deal. And immediately could tell something was wrong. It was different from all of the other times. There was more imaging, there was more waiting, diagnosed within a week, had a biopsy the next day after that mammogram, diagnosed within the week.

And as all my beautiful ladies on here will understand, your life just changes. And from there it was unsure whether I needed just a mastectomy or chemotherapy. And in the end it turned out I had a lumpectomy, four months of chemotherapy and then a mastectomy, a single right mastectomy, and then symmetrizing surgery later that year. So, my story is probably very similar to many. It was hormonal cancer. I was very much in the depths of menopause when I was diagnosed. I was on HRT and sadly had to come off HRT, not because it caused it, but because of the threat of it feeding the cancer. And so, my journey began and my surgeon said to me, "Give me a year. This is very survivable, but give me a year of your life." And probably that line from him that it was survivable rocked me a little because I was so used to understanding cancer as something that was going to end in a negative aspect of me passing away or I hadn't really had experiences of cancer being treatable. And yeah, I guess that's where I am and I'm incredibly grateful for it.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Wow, you went through so much in such a short period of time while you were sort of semi-socially isolated, right?

Emma John: Yeah, I didn't see anyone for eight months apart from my teenage sons and my husband and sometimes my mom. But yeah, it was very lonely and I'm quite a gregarious person, so I guess I get oxygen from being around people and that was tough.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Wow. I'll bet, you've been very open about what you went through, including the loss of control that you felt. How did that affect you and how did control over your personal style help you?

Emma John: I thought I was really relaxed and easy going, but it turns out when you have a cancer diagnosis, it rocks you to your core. It certainly did for me. And everything I knew kind of crumbled away and I was left with not much. And all of my bodily autonomy, all of my choices were in the hands of my medical professionals and the team that I... My breast cancer surgeon, my plastic surgeon, my oncologist, and I felt very little control. And for the first couple of months I was in a state of flux, but once I realized I was told I would need a chemo, I knew what was expected of me from February through to May of 2022, I was going to be unwell. I was going to lose my hair. And so I tried to take back a little control in order to compartmentalize and cope with the situation. I think adding COVID on top of that and being really scared of getting COVID and delaying treatment, that also ensured that I was really rigorous with who I saw and what I was doing.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Wow. Wow. I was going to say I was fascinated by a post that you made while you were... Something that you learned and sort of an aha moment, as we say while waiting in a doctor's office that confidence is an inside job.

Emma John: Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: And that style is self-care and clothes hold power. Tell us about that.

Emma John: They really do. As a stylist, I've always loved clothes. I grew up with a very stylish mother, and I've always loved how clothes offer a way of expressing yourself. But during cancer, when so much is taken away from you and your control of your body, control of your life is really, particularly during treatment is other, I think what you wear and how you present yourself to the world is something that you can do for yourself. You can discover so much about yourself without it being too taxing through what you wear as well. And one of the things that really uplifted me was color, dopamine dressing and wearing things that brought me joy.

And I started a little ritual of every single time I had a chemo infusion or chemo day, I would have a chemo day outfit. And this absolutely elevated the experience. It started conversations with the medical staff that I was around, and it was also a way that I could communicate online to people following me and learning about the journey. And I hope... Well, what I understand now was helpful to others going through cancer at the same time, who didn't necessarily have a voice themselves.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. Some of your doctors looked forward to seeing you at your next visit to see what you were wearing.

Emma John: There were bits on what I would wear and some of them, all of them colorful, all of them bright and bold, but also practical. You have to have things like button-down shirts or dresses that could open for-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. For port, yeah.

Emma John: ... I didn't have a port. Yeah, but ports obviously… really important access to that. Something so they could get to my veins on my arm, all of those things that were practical, but also I could use to lift my mood. I mean, generally speaking, it was all to make sure that my mental health was held in a positive light.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, I mean, did you have to fake it til you make it when you're trying to portray a sense of wellness, when you were feeling sick?

Emma John: Yes. And I'm sure many here who have dependents will understand that need to show a level of okayness to my children. I have two teenage sons, they were 13 and 15 at the time of me going through treatment, and they were stuck inside with me a lot. It wasn't that wonderful an environment for them because they came home from school and I'd be on the couch sick or sleeping. And so, when I could dress up or when I could get up and I would still work during my good weeks, I would take Zoom calls with clients and things. And so, when I could get up, put some lipstick on, put a great dress on, and on top of my head, I absolutely felt better. And those around me felt more positive as well. And it was definitely a way that I could contribute when obviously my contribution in the home was pretty lacking.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. Well, I'm sure that they were comforted by seeing mom be mom because they want you back normal and your regular self and then they take their cue from you. Right?

Emma John: They do. They really do. And I think teenagers can be inherently selfish sometimes in terms of what they're focusing on. So, if I could be a little bit more like mom, then that was obviously a much steadier platform for them to be on.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. Yeah. So, you've already sort of touched on, but tell us a little bit more about the emotional and physical challenges after someone's body changes. And I know that this has been so core to the work that you do with your clients, but before we get to the actual solutions, I just wanted to hear more from you about what are the biggest issues people face in styling themselves after major changes to their appearance and how they feel?

Emma John: I think one of the things, I mean I think you listed them at the start, your body changes. You have a different breast size quite often, whether it's smaller or bigger, both can be true. I had DIEP flap surgery, I'm presuming it's called the same in America. I'm not sure where my stomach is now my right breast.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Your belly.

Emma John: Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Your belly.

Emma John: So, that in itself, suddenly I had a large chest, and so big boobs were kind of my thing. And so, I would wear a lot of revealing tops to feel good about myself or something V-neck, whereas now I can get away with wearing higher neck pieces, but my body suddenly became from an hourglass to a pear shape. And so that in itself was quite a change. And when I'm dealing with clients that have been through bodily changes, often it's the body shape that confuses them so much. What do I wear now? How can I wear it? How can I still show some shape without also being too revealing? Because suddenly you don't want to necessarily show off too much skin.

And a lot of the time scars can be an issue, scar tissue, anything too restrictive. So, those are the things that I hear from my clients from other breast cancer survivors. But also my own experience was it did require a little forethought and it did require me to challenge what I knew of what I liked. So, I had to be a little bit adventurous and try new things and understand that not everything was going to be, as you say, it's not about being perfect, it's about finding things that bring you happiness and that you feel uplifted through.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Absolutely. Absolutely. I remember when I was... Before I was diagnosed myself, I started BreastCancer.org, we're 25 years old this year. There were a lot of galas or events that we were part of, and I always made sure to cover up because I wanted to be sensitive to people who didn't have breasts or that were going through a lot of changes. So, I missed the opportunity to have fun with what I had. And then upon diagnosis, I was thinking, "Wait a minute." When I go to the gala, I would see that the women who were wearing the low cut things were often the women who had had a new set, who had reconstruction or who decided to celebrate what they had. So, it's so personal and everybody has to find their comfort zone. And I'm sure you help people sort of push a little bit beyond, take a little risk here and there. I mean, what's the worst thing that can happen, right?

Emma John: Well, this is what I advocate for as a midlife woman, we're already going through so much. We're a sandwich generation. We've got teenagers potentially at home, we have parents that are aging. And in our 40s and 50s, we seem to go through a lot of personal change. And sure enough, for me, menopause and cancer sort of highlighted or bookended my 40s. But we do have this opportunity, and it's not Pollyanna syndrome where I'm trying to be all sweetness and light. I actually use style as a really visceral tool that can elevate your mood, that can boost your confidence, that can make you feel better during an incredibly traumatic trying time.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right. Right. I remember I was at a medical conference in San Francisco, I was in the middle of all my treatment and I just thought, "Why don't I just go into Saks Fifth Avenue for some fun?" I think of it like a museum. You can't afford it, but you may not buy anything in the store, but in the United States it's a fancy place. And I met this guy, the stylist on the floor who said, "What are you trying to achieve?" I said, "Well, I'm a doctor and I take care of women with breast cancer and I'm going through the same thing myself. What should I do?" And he said, "Fitted, you should wear fitted jackets because you're a professional woman and you've got some shape that you could pull that off and that might give you the confidence." And that was useful for me, but if someone else had walked in, it would've been something else. And of course, you can always try one thing or another and have fun with it.

Emma John: Yeah, I think as a stylist, often if any ladies watching have used a stylist, you might be used to the concepts of being fitted or tucking or tying things. And while that sometimes can scare people because they don't want to show off their stomachs often, tummies are the problem area for a woman. But there's such little simple tricks that you can use in terms of tucking in a T-shirt or a baggy T-shirt or shirt or an oversized, I should say, shirt or top. If you just tuck it on the side using just one finger, little one finger, French tuck, those sorts of things can really elevate a look. But also what it does is draw your proportions. So, it might then elongate your leg, it'll show off where your waist should be, but you don't necessarily need to tuck the whole thing in.

And so, tucking for me has been one of the things to offset the fact that I've got a smaller chest now. It elongates my legs, it gives me proportion, but also using things with a wider shoulder can also balance me out where I no longer have the chest size to kind of do that for me. I use big billowy sleeves to do that, then a shape of my waist. That is working with a traditional hourglass look, you don't have to do that, but if you are keen to, and what I'm hearing is a lot of people don't know how to dress for their shape anymore. It's about experimenting and creating balance. And if you're trying to use a template, then perhaps use an hourglass figure as a template to start from and go, "Okay, I don't look quite like that. What could I do to create that?"

And so that's where style becomes so handy because you get to use the clothes to make the shape, and we should all be asking clothes to work a lot harder than we do. Often we blame ourselves for not looking good in something, and more often than not, it's the poorly designed clothes, poorly fitted, bad materials, or its tailoring isn't quite right. So, we need to think outside the box a little and go, what can I use like a scarf? I wanted a little V-neck on this round neck dress, so I added a scarf to do it. I use my glasses as a way to frame my face. And as you can see, that picture on screen now is the day I had my head shaved 10 days into chemotherapy. And I honestly felt fantastic. My family said to me, "Oh, my gosh, thank goodness you have a nice shaped head."

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Oh, wow. And you have so many ideas for people no matter what their budget is. And so, let's go into some of those tips starting with accessories like what are the benefits of different accessories? As you were saying, like jewelry and your glasses and scarves, belts, right? Your bags, your shoes.

Emma John: These are all things that you can use and you've probably got that you can use to elevate your outfits, particularly as you're settling into this new body, particularly as you're settling into this new phase of your life where you are going through or coming out of a very traumatic experience and using things like jewelry, glasses, scarves, belts are all pieces that we can add into at potentially lower cost rather than replacing our entire wardrobe. But these things are the ways that if you perhaps have worn black all your life and you want to continue to do so, but you like the idea of investing in some dopamine dressing or a bit of color, then this is one of the ways you can do it. So, adding a quirky pair of glasses or the scarves that I used to wear on my head because I chose not to wear a wig, I now use as belts, as neckties, as bracelets.

And so there's lots of ways that you can use accessories to enhance your look. The other thing that I use accessories for is to create shape. So, one of the things that I've embraced is kind of oversized dressing because I like the way it looks. I like sort of bold things, dramatic kinds of architectural pieces, and then I use accessories to bring them in. So, for instance, the belt with this denim skirt, the cross body bag, all of those things serve to create shape where perhaps you don't have that particular shape anymore because your body's changed. Tucking in obviously helps a lot, but I'm not revealing too much here in either of these photos and yet the accessories really lift the game entirely.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, absolutely. And I love a nice scarf, but I don't want to look matronly. I want to look sort of more on the edge and I get hot easily. So, I have this sort of like, it's like a very thin silk scarf, just it adds a little pop of color without adding much volume or it doesn't overpower me because I really want to make sure that I'm wearing the clothes and the clothes are not wearing me. I know you see people walk in a room and they're wearing some huge outfit that they put their body in, but their body's moving the thing around when really I want to be the... I'm the main show. It's not Fashion Week in New York, but I want to make sure that I'm wearing what I want to and that the clothes aren't wearing me.

I have another scarf here, which is sort of like it has, it's thin too, but it has a little bit of texture, little pleats in it for a little pop of color, a little added something. As you said, you can wrap it around your arm. You can put it on your bag just like that. One of the things I just want you to clarify for people who don't understand what you may have said, the dopamine dressing, please explain what you mean by that because it may not be obvious.

Emma John: Well, for a start, I made my own hats called Dopamine Dealer because it's such an important part of my life now. And it was actually coined by a Professor Karen Pine, I think back in 2012, dopamine dressing, and basically it's the art of dressing to boost confidence and joy. Now, that is very subjective toward who you are. So, if you like to wear black, you can still dopamine dress. It's just about elevating it to a point where it brings you joy, confidence, it elevates your mood. And so, I use dopamine dressing as a tool in my cancer toolbox to go through treatment and then move through to recovery. And for me, that's pattern and color, and I really kind of drill down what is it about patterns that I like? Well, I like muddy patterns and I love leopard print.

So, finding out what I truly love and wearing that more often, as surprisingly simple as that is, it's a little mantra that you can say to yourself, and I truly believe it will transform the way that you dress. Because if you're dressing for fun, joy, and not just wearing the clothes, I mean sometimes you have to, right? Sometimes you just have to get dressed in the morning and go to work, do what you need to do. But if you can build yourself a closet full of things that do bring you joy and elevate your spirit, then isn't that a better outcome?

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right. I mean, dopamine, biologically in your body is your feel-good hormone, so it's like you get ahead of it when you go shopping or someone gives you a gift or you give yourself a gift or as you were saying, you put something together that brings you joy, which is why we're here today and thank you so much. Maybe we'll go back to a question that you were talking about the accessories and the things that you can wear that bring you joy, and then we were talking about building a collection of wardrobe items, essentials, right? And how to bring dimension, how to give yourself some dimension without looking too big or funny looking, just as you were saying, you were getting into it a little bit like the tucking and the layering, the cuffing, the rolling, the draping, the knotting. When do you use those different techniques that enhance how you look and how you feel without making you feel too-

Emma John: Overwhelmed,

Dr. Marisa Weiss: ... big, overwhelmed or something to deal with? Because when you're taking care of yourself, going to the hospital, you're taking clothes on and off, it can't get too complicated, right?

Emma John: Yeah, I mean, the thing that absolutely saved my style, saved my brain power because if anyone can relate who's been on radio or chemo, your brain definitely goes somewhere else. And mine certainly did. I was pretty incapacitated, and so I noticed that having button down shirts were my best friend and style, and they still are. And I think for the time when I was unwell, oversized shirts were very much prevalent in stores, and so I got a striped blue shirt, I got a pink one, a red one, things that I could roll up the sleeves, so you saw some skin, I could easily access, getting blood tests and things like that. But also the amount of times that you're showing medical staff, your chest is unconscionable at the start. You don't understand that you're going to be taking off your clothes so much. So, that's where separates come in, and everyone who's been to a mammogram will know that actually wearing a skirt or trousers and a top is far better than wearing a dress because-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Or God forbid a jumpsuit.

Emma John: Or a jumpsuit, which I have done before.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Oh, my goodness.

Emma John: I have done this before, I've taken a jumpsuit and went, "Oh, gosh." But I think having clothes that are practical like a button-down shirt is fantastic. A pair of elasticated trousers that you can tuck that shirt into and leave one side out. This is a great example for me where this oversized shirt, this woman looks so incredibly chic and so wearable, and for me, not only did dopamine dressing come into my life, but actually a sense of having a bit of a uniform. And while that may seem like the antithesis of what a stylist would suggest, I do think having a uniform is more practical than anything because if you understand what it is that you love, you repeat buy or repeat wear those pieces, then it truly becomes something effortless in your life, rather than actually stressing, looking at a closet and thinking, "I have nothing to wear."

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Nothing to wear. I love a button-down shirt because I think it is so flattering. And just because it starts with a collar, or you can get anything vertical, it makes you look taller and longer. The only thing is that for people who, let's say have been through chemotherapy and they have numbness and tingling their fingers, managing the buttons can be tough, but you can go with a zipper or Velcro or something else, but that really helps. I have a stack of old button-down shirts for my boys and my husband that I like to wear around the house. It's like the boyfriend look. And I also wear it outside to protect myself from the sun because as we get older and as you go through treatments, the sun is not your friend. And I like the cuff being long and over my hands to protect my hands from the sun, but it's comfortable, it's kind of stylish and they're inexpensive because they're in the house somewhere. They're like the socks that are hanging around. They're old shirts.

Emma John: This is the thing, your husband's wardrobe or also thrifting or secondhand stores do a wonderful job of men's shirts. And having that collar, I hadn't realized when I lost my hair that of course being in the sun on my neck, which had never seen the sun before, the back of my neck, suddenly a collared shirt was pretty much my number one style too because it was sun protection as well as fashion forward.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes, and comfortable because I like the cotton ones, and my son even likes them so much that he's asked if you could borrow one back. I'm like, "The answer is no."

Emma John: They're mine.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, yeah.

Emma John: Don't touch them. The other thing too, I think is natural fibers and wearing, not only is it better for the environment, when you have been through chemotherapy, particularly in radiation, your skin might be sensitive to touch. If you've had flat closure, it can also be quite sensitive across the breasts as well. So, having something that's very soft with natural fibers and allowing yourself or your bodies to breathe is so much better for you. Allowing the sweat to wick away rather than stay on your skin, really important.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Absolutely. Okay. Thank you so much. All these are so helpful. As you were saying, the different patterns and textures that are comfortable on your skin that give a little bit of dimension and all that. How about styling tips during and after cancer treatments? For people who are still experiencing side effects, what tips do you have? Let's start with options for hair loss, for people who prefer not to wear a wig, like you mentioned yourself, right?

Emma John: I mean, this is the stages of chemo. You have hair, suddenly you don't have hair, then you've got to figure out how it is. And I felt very vulnerable without anything on my head. I got used to it and I would be on Instagram and talking without it sometimes, particularly toward the end of treatment, but right at the start, I didn't want my kids to see me bald, and so I would wear a scarf constantly and I loved it. I discovered three or four ways to... The one that you're seeing on the screen right now with the orange scarf, I call it the match and really like a washerwoman kind of 1940s look. I also figured out what a way to do a donut on top and was really inspired by the African American community and how they would wear scarves.

So, I would follow a lot of videos and learn how to do it myself because they are really comfortable cooling, but also can make you feel incredibly confident. And as you can see, I had long, long hair, and so losing it, I kind of missed that height. I think that's one thing we don't often prepare ourselves for is suddenly the height that our hair gives us is something that you can gain back through wearing a scarf.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, absolutely.

Emma John: So, I love that part of it. Yeah.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. You have such a pretty head, so you could have... If you wanted to, and I had some fun with earrings and all that, you could have pulled it off, rocked it out easily, but everyone's got their own comfort zone. One of our audience members asked a question, she struggles applying the right shape of scarf to buy and how to tie it.

Emma John: Agree. This can be tricky. If you want to know, really what you need is a small silk scarf, which a lot of secondhand square silk scarves like this are as great as a necktie, but it's too small to put on my head. So, you need a relatively big square silk scarf. And then I would also have an oblong scarf. So, an oblong scarf, say in cotton would allow you, that's perhaps a meter or a meter and a half long, that will give you all of the volume that you need in order to create shapes for a scarf tying on your head. So, for instance, the match that I just showed you was basically just knots. You draw it up towards your head, top of your head, tie it and tie it again. But then for an oblong scarf, you can actually tie it like an elephant trunk and then wrap it around.

And once you have something tight enough or tightly bound, it tends to hold its shape. And so, you can form a donut on the top of your head or you can wrap it around and pin it or tuck it under to form like a... It looks like a braid, I guess.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes. Okay.

Emma John: And so, oblong and square are probably the most durable and offer the most options that you can use.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: When you say oblong, do you mean rectangular?

Emma John: Rectangular, sorry.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay. No, I'm just wondering. And also, we in the United States, yards, so a meter and a half would be like a yard and a half, two yards or so, whatever, depending on your side. Also, this is just a single thing. I can put it up like this and sort of have a little fun with my hairline. I'm not doing it right. But I'm just saying when you lose your hair and it grows back in, you get self-conscious about it, or you're wearing a wig, the place where the wig hits your forehead can look unnatural, and that can be a giveaway, but you can have fun with a scarf on that as well.

Emma John: And that's where caps... I've noticed that as my hair was growing back in and probably my hair hasn't really recovered, just this little spot here seems to be really thin and no one tells me it is. It's just my own issue. So, I find wearing a trucker hat, I feel cool. I feel great at some protection, but it definitely gives me all of the coverage that I need to make me feel more confident. And as my hair was growing back in, if you've experienced the same thing where it grows sparsely, it grows like a golf ball, a tennis ball, until you get a style or until you have your first cut, protection on your head is still really important because your scalp's never seen the sun.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Absolutely. Okay, I'm going to shift a little bit. How about for people who choose to, let's say they've had mastectomies and they choose to go flat or they were told they couldn't have reconstruction right away, but let's just say for women who had to sacrifice their breasts to be in a healthier place and they did not have reconstruction, what do you suggest in terms of styling in that situation?

Emma John: So, there's a couple of things, particularly for flat closure. A couple of my dear friends who I've met through breast cancer have had flat closures and they have actually used tattooing as a way to kind of take back their bodies and-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Use what?

Emma John: Tattoos.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Tissues?

Emma John: Yeah. No, tattoos.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Tattoos. Tattoos.

Emma John: Yes, tattoos.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay. Sorry.

Emma John: Sorry, that's my accent.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: No, I like your accent. It's very charming. I'm not used to it yet. It's fine. So, tattoos.

Emma John: So, tattoos-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay. So, that's underneath the skin as a form of self-expression, all that. But how about from a clothing point of view? Let's say it's not that you're embarrassed, but you don't want people staring at you.

Emma John: No, and that's where the oversized pieces can come in handy because what you can do is draw attention away from the breast area and nip it into potentially wearing... So, highlighting your waist or highlighting your shoulders. You could wear a sports bra so you feel like you've got something on your chest area, a pop of color, and then wearing an open button-down shirt, wearing cross-body bags, those types of things. Anything that will cinch you in other areas and highlight other areas and detract from the area that you are quite sensitive about.

The other thing too for flat closure is investing or finding a tailor or a seamstress that you'll be able... I mean, you'll appreciate this Dr. Weiss because you're a sewer, but knowing how you can adapt your clothes that perhaps you've already got to better fit you because a lot of things that are fitted on top will no longer fit you correctly. And if you don't want to wear inserts into your bra, then embracing the flat chest is key. So, having your pieces tailored to look and fit better on you is going to actually help support you to do that.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes, yes. I love a fitted jacket. It's my thing. But as you say, if it was too full in the area where the breast had been and it looks like something's missing, that's not a good look. So, you want to modify it, as you were saying.

Emma John: Modify as much as you can because I think you'll get more use out of the wardrobe that you've already got without spending too much money as well.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right, right, exactly. What about weight fluctuation? Your weight's going up and down. During chemo, you thought maybe it would go down, but in fact you gain weight, which is more common. And then one of the things that is a challenge I see for a lot of women who do choose to go flat or had to go flat, then they look down and they thought they were just going to be flat, but the chest wasn't flat like this. It was sort of more angled, and then they look down and they see their belly instead. So, what about tips for people in that situation where their weight is going up and down and they're just trying to deal with all the changes you've just described?

Emma John: It's extraordinary. I mean, my weight has fluctuated so much, so I can completely empathize. And I'm on letrozole now, an aromatase inhibitor, and it's not particularly kind from a stiff joint perspective. So again, and it will sound like I'm a cracked record, but this is where those oversized looks that you can manipulate into shape by using a scarf or a belt or a bag can really help because that allows you... I was probably 10 kilo from here three years ago than I am now, but this dress has been with me for six years. So, before treatment, during treatment, and now after treatment, it just fits me differently. So, I wear different things to kind of enhance it. And so, that's where having those kind of androgynous, but not androgynous size-agnostic, if you will, pieces that allow you to adapt them to toward weight change, because I'm three years out and I'm still going through a lot of fluctuation, so allowing myself.... Also, elasticated pants help hugely.

They still allow you to tuck wide leg pants. Anything non-restrictive, I think is probably what you need to have in your mind. And having a repertoire of things that you can wear, grab and work really well as a team. So, that's where things like matching sets can be wonderful to have because it allows you to wear them together as a set, but also separately. And even a little shirt like this, it's colorful, it can be worn open over a dress, but it can also be worn button up or closed, gives you so much more option than just a pullover top.

And I can wear this like a shacket for warmth on a summer night. Having those things in your wardrobe after you've figured out what you love to wear and bringing more of that in is really going to make it so much easier rather than looking to trends, I think particularly for midlife women, but for all of us coming through something traumatic, having an understanding of what you do love to wear and then adapting that for your lifestyle, what you need most often. So, if you're at work 90% of the time, then most of your focus will go to a work wardrobe. If you're a stay-at-home mum, you might wear more relaxed pieces, but I challenge-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, tell us a little about, okay, you've been out of work, you look different, you feel different, but you've got to go back and you're just worried about how do you present yourself again to these people who you used to work with and knew you a different way and you want to own your space and feel powerful and respected again. What's your tips for people returning to work?

Emma John: I think there's a real change of ownership in terms of how you go back to work because you are so different, you are so changed, and yet you might feel more vulnerable because of those changes, and you don't necessarily want to present as a victim or as a cancer patient anymore. That was something, I don't know whether you experienced, but I wanted to feel strong and I wanted to feel I'm better, I'm recovering. I want to feel good. And so, having an understanding of what it is and how you need to present yourself to the world is really important. So, it does require a little bit of thought in terms of how you want to be in the world, but if you have quite a strict dress policy, then adapting your pieces to fit your new shape is obviously going to be key.

But dressing for what you want to say and how you want to appear is probably top priority, not wanting to be the sick person anymore. Often in corporate jobs, you want to be feeling quite strong, and so that's where having twin sets or having a dress in a jacket or trousers in a jacket can make you feel stronger. And adding in a top or a color pop, a scarf to soften that look can be really important. But having power pieces is a real way of taking and reclaiming yourself again.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes, yes. And also, if you are wearing a jacket with pants or jacket and a dress and all that, and the more... I know that tonal look from head to toe makes you feel... It's an easier thing to put on if you're like, "Okay, I'm going to wear a navy blue suit top to bottom and maybe put a white shirt in there," but you look actually put together and taller and more slender and shapely if you've got the more of a vertical look all the way down without breaking it up with pieces that are horizontal.

Emma John: Tonal looks, I often say to my clients, "If in doubt, go tonal."

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah.

Emma John: And that's really, it could all be different shades of beige, it could all be different shades of pink, all different shades of green. Such a classic classy look that is really easy to create and denim on denim because it's striking and it can immediately be an outfit without you actually having to try too hard.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes, yes. So, what about dressing for hot flashes?

Emma John: Oh, my goodness. I mean, I carry a little handheld fan with me at all times, a little USB charger, and I have no shame in that anymore because my hot flashes are almost strictly on my face, and so it's very obvious. So, the way I do that is natural fabrics, first and foremost. Natural fibers are going to ensure that the sweat wicking draws away from your body, so that you remain cool. So, cottons, linens, visco, that will actually allow your body to breathe. Polyester has to probably be eradicated from your closet at some point because it just will not allow you to breathe. So, floaty dresses really help, but first and foremost, it has to be things that... And light layers.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yes.

Emma John: Having things that you can take off easily, put back on because for some reason I have incredibly harsh hot flashes, really get very cold very quickly. So, having light layers. So, that might be a shirt over a tank top that I can take off the shirt and put straight back on when I get a little cooler. So, allowing for the elevation and temperature and then a decrease is really important, but light layers and natural fabrics are the three key pieces.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Sounds really helpful. Thank you. We have an audience question, which is I avoided attending a formal wedding this summer because I could not figure out what kind of formal dress would look appropriate on a flat closure when she had bilateral mastectomies with a flat closure. And I'd love to know what kind of formal dress can work when you are flat. I never want to miss another event due to not knowing how to dress my post-treatment body. Any suggestions?

Emma John: First of all, you're brave lady. I'm so, so proud of where you are right now, and thank you for asking the question because I know that that can be a little nerve-racking too. For flat closure, I think sometimes what you can do is either... There's two ways of doing it where you can embrace it, where you are wearing loose things and it's kind of more of an androgynous look, but what you should avoid is anything that looks like it's got busts tailored into the outfit because that's going to be like a beacon towards your breast or chest area. So, things like a high-necked dress and top, then with a loose fitting waistline is going to be key because what that will do is draw the eye downward. You could also wear something that had a V or stitching as a V-neck or a line down the middle of the dress.

So anything, and this is what I said before about making a style or making our clothes work harder for us, look at how it's made. So, you might have something, it's called contrast stitching. So, you often might see that on a pair of Levi's where it's got that orange stitching. Sometimes you can get dresses that offer that for you. So, it could be a stitch right down the center of the dress and then stitching around a waist area, and then that gives you all of the shape, the vertical lines and the shape built into the dress without requiring you to have breast inserts or anything like that. So, something that skims over your chest area rather than as tight. So, non-restrictive, nothing cut out for breast shape and high-necked, I think can be a really lovely way of doing it. Then you can use things like scarves to soften that a little bit, wear something like this or a necklace and that will detract from that area.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I have seen a little bit of a cowl neck, like a little bit of a draping of silk fabric or a thin fabric that's drapable right here.

Emma John: Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: That looks great. I've seen amazing women look fantastic. I mean, take the button-down shirt look into a shirt dress and a chain necklace that kind of floats, and you move around and you're going to be dancing hopefully at the wedding and having a good time. And no one will notice. I mean, they really won't know that.

Emma John: They really don't. That is so true. It's really to know that you need to get to know your new body, but actually other people won't notice. So, for instance, I went to a 50th on the weekend and wore quite a low-cut dress for the first time, and I could see my scars, but my bestie said to me, "Oh, I love the dress." She wasn't looking at it the way I was looking at it. And so, I think if you feel comfortable, that's really important. Embracing the fact that you do have a changed body and radical acceptance of that is probably even more important than what you actually wear, because I think sometimes what you wear can get us into such a flap, but in fact, if we're not feeling it on the inside first, so it is a little bit of a mindset shift and finding something that you feel good in. But as you said, that open-neck shirt done with a lovely necklace tucked into a skirt, very chic, very sort of Anna Wintour from Vogue is a classic look, and you could wear that to a black-tie formal as well.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Absolutely. Absolutely. And have a lot of fun and get moving and have a great time. Have a great time.

Emma John: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Emma, before we get to more audience questions, can you share your top takeaways for everyone who's watching today?

Emma John: Absolutely, and I said to the ladies before we started, there might be a little bit of repetition here because I think sometimes we need to hear it again and again in order for it to fit. And one of the top things I can say is simplifying what you have to wear that also brings you delight, that's key. So, understanding what you've got in your wardrobe, really key. Looking for soft, breathable fabrics, natural fibers also really key, particularly for hot flashes. Number three is finding a uniform. And that doesn't mean that you have to wear the same thing over and over again.

It's just researching and figuring out what you have had compliments on, what draws away the circles from underneath your eyes and giving yourself an hour in your wardrobe post this webinar and saying, "Okay, what is it that brings me joy, that I've received compliments on, that I know I feel more confident in?" Then building upon that and drawing out those pieces from your wardrobe and repeat wearing those. Having a little go-to outfit, really key, the one that you feel great in, but is super comfortable. And for me, that's often a wide-leg pant, a T-shirt, and a fun trainer. So, I built up my trainer or a sneaker-

Dr. Marisa Weiss: A trainer, you mean like a sneaker?

Emma John: A sneaker.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: A sneaker. Okay.

Emma John: A sneaker.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah.

Emma John: Yeah.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Also stretch in the fabrics, not too binding-

Emma John: Nothing binding.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: ... jeans.

Emma John: No, let it go. I mean, I think when you compare your life before cancer to after cancer, it is so different, and we can give ourselves a little break here. If elasticated pants are where it’s at, wear them, but get the most flattering for you. Get the ones that are the most comfortable and bring you the most joy and fun. And so, for me, that's often with pattern and color, and then being able to tuck a T-shirt in and popping a denim jacket or an oversized shirt over the top. That to me is essential. And so, I've got lots of those in my closet to mix and match together.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay. Okay. Thank you so much, and let's go to the rest of your tips, and then we've got a few more questions. Well, these are good tips here too, obviously.

Emma John: Yeah. So, this was the change in breast size and going flat, find a seamstress or sew yourself pieces and modify those pieces. That's essential. Comfort is king or queen, I should say, and make that your mantra. So, really repeat to yourself, again, it's repeating what I said before, finding yourself pieces that bring you joy, and if you use comfort as your first port of call, you really can't go wrong. And then adding little pieces like accessories or color or pattern on top of that, then you really can't go wrong. And then finally, for that extra stylish hit, tonal looks and matching sets, this is my ultimate style hack for anyone, but particularly for my breast cancer crew, it really means that you can get dressed effortlessly if you're wearing all the same color or tone. It really looks so effortless and stylish, and it will turn heads. And then having matching sets means more durability and wearability because you can use them as separates, as well as wearing it together.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay, good. Okay, so thank you. Those are all amazing. So, helpful. I'm going to start tomorrow with my... I go to work tomorrow. But I'm going to get a few more questions in here from the audience. How do you know the right fit for your body type? Let's say you're like an apple shape, big in the middle, and how do you manage, what's the best fit for that?

Emma John: So, for apple shapes, you tend to have a slimmer cut leg or a slimmer cut, a slimmer leg, and then a larger torso or area. What you want to do is kind of skim over anything, so often that will be short addresses to the knee so that you are balancing out, or A-line dresses look great on apple shapes. You could also make sure that you're enhancing your legs and showing those off. So, rather than concentrating on the thing that you don't like, I want you to start concentrating on the thing that you do and that will completely transform how you get dressed in the mornings. Because if you're constantly trying to detract and you get nervous about your tummy, hell, what about those amazing legs of yours? So, highlighting those areas and creating balance. So, there's lots of online tools that you can use to assess your body shape, and that's about the balance between shoulders, hips, waist, and going online and researching a little bit of that. But for apples, A-line dresses and showing off your legs, perfection.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Sounds great. Okay. Pair of jeans. Okay. Besides having fabric that has a little give to it, how do you find a pair of flattering in style pair of jeans that it's not going to be matronly?

Emma John: Oh, my goodness. So jeans, I mean, I have told my clients this for years, you could spend eight to 10 hours shopping and not find anything, and I once did that to prove the point. It takes time and it takes a little effort to find the right jean. Barrel leg or horseshoe jeans are very popular at the moment but quite divisive and polarizing, but they have some great shape and architecture to them and they look fantastic. But generally speaking, a straight leg jean is going to be more wearable, be more durable, and so straight leg jeans are pretty much always in style as well. And I think that's the way. But my biggest tip for jeans buying is what do you need them for? So, is it work, play or both? And then allowing yourself some time to search because they are often the hardest thing to buy for. But also remember that you don't have to wear them.

There are pants or trousers that you can wear instead, that will allow you to feel more confident and comfortable than trying to fit into a pair of jeans just because we are told that jeans are so important to have in our lives.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right, right. I personally like wider leg jeans just because I like the space.

Emma John: Same.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: I like to sit down and not be strangulated, but the stretch and the fabric is so important. I do not want to ever wear again, a pair of pants that don't have any give to them.

Emma John: Well, I will say this, with jeans, look at the pants or the trousers that you already wear and emulate that shape in jeans. So, if you love wide leg pants, a wide leg jean is most likely going to suit you.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right.

Emma John: But the one thing I will say about the stretch, I totally agree, except when the jeans don't have stretch, they hold their shape better. So if you're going for something like a barrel leg jean, stretching those is not ideal because you want them to kind of hold their shape. So, just with that in mind, and again, this isn't to confuse, take your time to go shopping for jeans and also give yourself permission that you don't have to wear them.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right. It's almost like shopping for a bathing suit, sort of impossible, right?

Emma John: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Okay. Now, okay, you have through the conference, and I know we're towards the end of our time here, but you've suggested that people go into their own closet in terms of figuring out what's affordable, like going into your own closet is something that's more affordable than going out and buying something else. But where do you suggest people go to buy stylish and affordable clothing?

Emma John: I think this is where you can do your own wardrobe audit, and you will often or have a friend come help you and they will draw out potentially or use a stylist, but find people that you can talk to or riff off to go, "Hey, does this look good on me?" Take photos of outfits. So, you've got a little library catalog of pieces that you love to wear, and then where you go, I mean, this will differ for where you are based, but often places like we have somewhere called Kmart, which is probably akin to Walmart or Target in the States. And so often those can have quite fun pieces that are quite classic. So, I recently bought a Breton striped top from there and paired it with a pair of wide leg pants.

So, buying your basics from places like there can be really affordable. But doing a wardrobe audit first is probably key to figure out what you love. Drawing on the outfits that you can wear over and over and repeating them and also putting some things away for six months and bringing them out again can be a surprise and delight moment for you.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: That's a great piece of advice. I also, like in the United States there is a store called TJ Maxx-

Emma John: I've heard of it. Yes.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: They have fun things that can be very affordable.

Emma John: Yeah. And then using accessories as a way to bring in trends without you being a slave. So, building up a classic wardrobe of staple pieces, jeans, a shirt, a dress, but then adding in whimsy through accessories is an affordable way to do that.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Yeah. Yeah, I like vintage things, so I go on Etsy and eBay, but you do need to know your size before you start shopping that way.

Emma John: So, one thing I do recommend is particularly once you have had surgery and you're through treatment, understanding your measurements is really critical. So, particularly if you've had breast augmentation, either way flat or implants, understanding what size you are on your chest is really important. So, having a tape measure handy, hip size, waist size, really key because if it fits you well around the waist, then they'll fit you well on the leg. But being aware of your size or your measurements is really key and using that when shopping online. If you are usually a size eight, but actually your measurements, say you're a size six, that's really key to be aware of.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Right, right. And if you're buying that way, you have to know the different sizing per country and all that because it varies a lot and also by brand it varies a bit. Well, Emma, we can't thank you enough for being here with us today and for sharing your passion and advice. Thank you so much.

Emma John: Thank you.

Dr. Marisa Weiss: Thank you all so much for joining. As we come to the close of today's session, I want to thank each and every one of you for joining us. We'll email you links for the recording of today's webinar and to Emma's website. We've talked about wardrobe tips and accessories and styling strategies, but what truly matters is how these ideas make you feel and how they help you express who you are on the good days and the hard days. Because style is not about chasing trends or fitting into someone else's idea of beauty. It's really about honoring your story, embracing your body as it is today, and finding moments of joy. You got to give your body credit for all the hard work it did to get through this whole experience and hopefully past it. You need to feel good in your own skin, and we hope you leave today feeling supported as you navigate life after a breast cancer diagnosis. Thank you and take care.