How to Talk With Your Doctor About Metastatic Breast Cancer
Hearing you have a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer can feel like stepping into a whole new world where the language is unfamiliar, and making sense of your next steps can feel overwhelming.
Think of your doctor and healthcare team as guides in this new world. They’re there to teach you about the disease, make recommendations about your treatment, and listen to what’s important to you.
Open and clear communication with your doctor is key as you develop a treatment plan that honors your needs, values, and choices.
The importance of doctor-patient communication
It’s understandable if you don’t remember much from your first conversation with your doctor about metastatic breast cancer. But, as the initial shock of the diagnosis begins to settle, you’ll likely have lots of questions. Listen carefully to your doctor, and make sure they’re listening to you too.
Even if you worry your questions might seem silly or that your doctor won’t have time to answer them, ask anyway. Remember: Your doctor and healthcare team are there to help guide you through this process.
Be sure to discuss your treatment priorities and preferences with your doctor so that you’re on the same page. For instance, you may want to treat the cancer as aggressively as possible, even if it means experiencing serious side effects. Or, maintaining a good quality of life may be most important to you. Your doctor will use this information to make treatment recommendations and walk you through the risks and benefits of each option. Take time to think about the recommendations and develop a plan together.
You may have questions between scheduled appointments that you don’t want to wait to have answered. Ask your doctor if they have preferences for how you communicate with them outside the office. For instance, some doctors may prefer email, phone calls, or using the patient portal to send messages electronically.
You can change your mind about treatment at any time. If you’re unable to manage the side effects or the plan is too hard on your family or finances, it’s important to talk with your doctor. Most often, there are other treatments you can try.
Tips for getting the information you need
Research shows that people forget 40% to 80% of the information they hear at a doctor’s appointment. How can you make sure to leave with the information you need? Here are some options to consider:
Bring a written list of topics you’d like to discuss with your doctor. A lot can change between appointments. Writing down symptoms you want to discuss or changes in your health or life can help ensure you cover what matters most.
Bring a family member or friend to your appointment. Having an extra set of eyes and ears can be a helpful way to get more information from the meeting. Be sure to tell your companion about your goals for the appointment and how they can best support you. For instance, you might ask them to jot down key takeaways, or ask questions to clarify points the doctor made.
Ask your doctor if you can record the conversation. Depending on how you’re feeling physically and emotionally, it can be hard to remember everything covered in a doctor’s appointment. Ask if you can make an audio recording so you can go over the information at a later time.
Request an interpreter for your appointment. If your doctor doesn’t speak the same language as you, call your doctor’s office ahead of your appointment and request an interpreter. Be sure to tell your interpreter and your doctor if there’s something said during the appointment that you don’t understand.
Ask your doctor to use plain language if something is unclear. Your doctor may slip into medical jargon when talking with you. If something doesn’t make sense, ask them to explain it in simpler terms. Then, repeat back what you’ve heard to make sure you’re understanding. If you’ve tried your best to communicate with your doctor but aren’t satisfied with their responses, you may consider finding a new doctor.
Getting a second opinion
Getting a second opinion is when you ask another doctor specializing in breast cancer or a team of specialists to review your medical reports and test results to suggest treatment options.
You can seek a second opinion at any point during the cancer care process. Some common reasons you might seek a second opinion include:
you’ve received a new diagnosis
you want a different doctor to weigh in on your diagnosis and treatment plan to date
you’re having trouble understanding and communicating with your doctor
you want someone else to talk you through your treatment options
It’s normal to feel awkward about telling your doctor you’re seeking a second opinion, or to feel unsure where to go for one. Remember that second opinions can be an important part of treatment planning, and most doctors are used to having these conversations.
You’ll need to loop your doctor in on your plans to seek a second opinion since they’ll have to help you share your medical records, imaging studies, and up-to-date lab and test results with the new doctor. Also, some health insurance plans require that the second opinion be requested by your doctor, rather than by you.
If you’re still feeling uncomfortable talking with your doctor about a second opinion, consider framing the conversation this way:
“I respect your opinion, but I never make major decisions without talking to more than one expert. I feel like I have one chance to get this right! I think I need the reassurance of a second opinion.”
“I owe it to myself and my family to make sure all of my bases are covered. So I’d like a second opinion on everything we’ve discussed.”
In general, delaying the start of treatment for a short time to allow for a second opinion usually doesn’t pose a risk. You can discuss the situation with your doctor to determine how much of a delay is OK.
Considering what matters to you
Metastatic breast cancer may now be a part of your life, but it doesn’t define you. How you want to balance treatment with your day-to-day should be part of the conversation with your doctor. Here are some questions to consider as you think about treatment options:
What are your treatment preferences? Do you want to try all treatments that may stop the cancer from growing?
What is your general overall health? Can you tolerate treatment with more severe or frequent side effects?
How important are quality of life considerations? Are you open to treatments even if the side effects might reduce your quality of life?
How important is pain control?
Are you interested in joining a clinical trial?
Do you have health insurance? Is the cost of treatment a concern for you?
Do you have a support network of people who can help you with day-to-day activities if you need it?
What’s the best way for your medical team to talk to you? Do you want direct, straightforward scientific information about your health? Or do you prefer a softer approach?
Questions to ask your doctor
Questions you may want to ask your doctor about treating metastatic breast cancer include:
Do I need a biopsy to find out the cancer’s hormone receptor or HER2 status?
Why are you recommending a particular treatment?
What are the benefits of each possible treatment? What are the side effects?
How can each treatment affect my quality of life?
How do I know the treatment is working?
What kinds of tests can I expect to have?
What happens if a treatment stops working?
How do I know when to switch treatments?
Can I take a break from treatment?
What happens if I decide not to have a treatment?
Are there clinical trials that would benefit me?
— Last updated on September 3, 2025 at 5:03 PM