Dating After a Breast Cancer Diagnosis
For some people, dating again after a breast cancer diagnosis can be a way to bring a sense of normalcy back into your life, have fun, or find companionship. But it also may come with new challenges and, for some, new insecurities.
For instance, it’s completely normal to feel self-conscious about the ways breast cancer treatment may have changed the way your body looks or to be worried about how you’ll navigate intimacy. And what happens when you tell your partner you’ve had breast cancer? Will you scare them away?
Know that you’re not the first person to think these thoughts. We talked to experts and people who have dated after a breast cancer diagnosis to get their tips on making the transition back to the dating world easier.
1. Think about when you'll be ready
There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to figuring out if you’re ready to start dating. But most people find that it’s easier to jump into dating when they’re not in the most physically draining phases of treatment. If treatment is consuming most of your time and energy at the moment, you may want to wait.
Also consider where you’re at emotionally. You may want to take some time to process what you’ve been through, or to feel more comfortable with changes to your body and appearance before you start dating. This could mean working through those feelings and changes on your own, with friends or family, with a breast cancer support group, or with a mental health professional.
2. Expect that dating might feel different
Maybe you’ll have a different outlook and priorities than you did before your diagnosis. Maybe what you’re looking for in a partner has changed. “Know that who you are now is different from who you were before, and embrace that. It’s okay,” says Jenne, who lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2015 when she was 27 years old.
3. Think about how and when to talk about your cancer history
Some people prefer to be very up-front and open about their cancer history with potential dates. Others like to wait until they’ve been out a few times with a potential partner and have established some rapport before they share. Either way, consider bringing it up before you get physically intimate, says Chery Hysjulien, RN, PsyD, a clinical psychologist at Sanford Health Roger Maris Cancer Center in Fargo, North Dakota. “If you’ve had, for example, a mastectomy in the past or you’re wearing a wig because of hair loss, be prepared to discuss it in some way or other before an intimate moment,” says Dr. Hysjulien.
4. Accept that rejection is a possibility
There may be people who decide they don’t want to move forward once you tell them you’ve had breast cancer. It can be hard to accept rejection, especially if you’re already feeling insecure about how cancer impacted your life and body. But keep in mind that rejection is always a possibility in dating and relationships — whether or not you have a cancer history.
5. Get help for sexual health concerns
Breast cancer treatments can affect your sexual function and libido. Don't ignore it. “When you don’t address issues you’re having with sexual function,” says Dr. Hysjulien, “it might keep you from dating, or from having a healthy sexual relationship with someone.”
If you have side effects from breast cancer treatments that are affecting your sexual function — such as vaginal dryness, pain during sex, decreased sexual desire, or fatigue — know that help is available. Talk with your cancer care team or gynecologist and look into getting a referral to a sexual health specialist. There are more options and resources than there were in the past for managing sexual side effects. Sex may be different than it was before your diagnosis, but it can still be pleasurable.
6. Be honest
As you navigate your new relationships, be up front and communicative about any physical or emotional challenges you’re experiencing. You may be surprised how well you can problem solve with a potential partner if both of you are invested and open. In some cases, you might need to have tough conversations relatively early on in the relationship. One example is if you were diagnosed with breast cancer at a younger age and treatment may have affected — or will affect — your fertility. If you or the person you’re dating is interested in having children, it’s best to discuss fertility concerns and options early on.
7. Know that it's possible to find love after breast cancer
Keep in mind that lots of people have found loving relationships after being diagnosed with breast cancer. It’s possible for a new person to come into your life who will accept and understand you — and all that you’ve been through. Cancer doesn’t have to end your romantic life if you don’t want it to.
— Last updated on January 22, 2025 at 5:47 PM
