What I Wish Others Knew About Being Diagnosed Young With Breast Cancer

Young people can face unique challenges after a breast cancer diagnosis, such as struggling with early menopause symptoms or fertility problems, and juggling their treatment with intense family caregiving and job responsibilities.  

Many say that their diagnosis affects them in ongoing, invisible ways that the people around them don’t always understand. 

We asked people who were first diagnosed with breast cancer between the ages of 18 and 45 to tell us what they wish others knew about what it’s like to have breast cancer at a young age. Their responses have been edited for clarity.

“We are often not taken as seriously by our doctors when we first present with symptoms. Many of us are brushed off simply because ‘we are too young.’ Advocate for your health because no one else will!” —Courtney

“There’s nothing you can do to prevent breast cancer — it’s a roll of the dice, regardless of family history.” —Raiya

Read more of our series on being diagnosed young with breast cancer, and learn what people who developed breast cancer at age 45 or under wish they knew from the start.

“If you have dense breasts, make sure you're seeing a gynecologist who is good at being vigilant — someone who does very thorough breast exams, and who will write a script for you to get an annual mammogram, which may not be covered by insurance otherwise until you're 40. Both times I had breast cancer, it was only caught early because of the mammogram and, later, a breast MRI. I do both annually now.” —Jennifer

“It was not a battle. I am not a warrior. I just went through something and now I’m here.” —Ariana

“Fight for a mammogram at age 40 or before. I had no gene mutations or family history. If you feel like something is wrong with your body, test.” —Danielle

“I wish other women knew that it’s possible to have breast cancer without a physical sign or symptom. I was blindsided at age 42 after a routine mammogram. The cancer was detected early because I was proactive.” —Hilary

“Having breast cancer at 34 years old has become a second full-time job for me. At 10 months post-diagnosis, I’ve clocked well over 100 cancer-related doctor’s appointments. As a working mom to two young kids, my mental load was already significant — with cancer, it’s staggering. There are just not enough hours in the day to be there for my family and/or my career at a time that I need to prioritize my own health.” —Terri

“Don't say ‘I'm here if you need me’ — just do something, anything, to help.” —Tarin

“Even though I might look OK, seem OK, seem like I have energy and don’t look sick…that doesn’t mean that this diagnosis isn’t weighing on me. I’m exhausted and tired and hate how I look in the mirror. I mourn who I was and how I looked and felt. It’s a process to get up every day and do life the best I can with this ticking time bomb over my head. My advice is to be gentle with people. Don’t assume they’re OK and give them grace.”  —Caroline

“At the beginning I spent a lot of time helping other people feel more comfortable by pretending it was all OK — that can become exhausting. The diagnosis hasn’t just affected my life while I’ve been in treatment, it is likely to affect the rest of my life. It’s taking time and a lot of my energy to adjust and come to terms with everything.” —Lottie

“I experience side effects from treatment on a daily to weekly basis, including fatigue, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, and more. While these may seem fairly tolerable on their own, the combination of all of these symptoms add up, and it gets old quickly. Cancer is known as the invisible disease for a reason, and I don’t think people realize that it is called this not only because we often don’t appear sick, but also because it sometimes feels as if the challenges we face are invisible to those around us.” —Lauren

“I was a mom of a 2.5 year old and 2-month-old and not being able to take care of my baby was the hardest thing I faced. Don't say ‘I'm here if you need me’ — just do something, anything, to help. Asking for help is very hard. I felt like a failure asking for help, but the people who just did things made me feel good.” —Tarin

“It helps a lot when people ask how you are doing. I have lost friends because people were scared to talk to me or check in.” —Carolyn

“There’s grief, but also grit.” —Caroline

“One of the hardest parts of being diagnosed young is realizing how much my perspective on life has shifted — while the world around me keeps moving at full speed. I see things differently now. I feel like I’m in the middle of my life, awake to how short and precious it really is. But that awareness can make others uncomfortable. Some distance themselves because they don’t want the reminder. Others respond with pity, treating me like I’m fragile. What I wish people knew is that I’m not looking for sympathy — I’m looking for connection. I just want to be seen, understood, and supported as I navigate this new reality.” —Jessica

“People kept saying ‘ask me if you need anything!’ — which is a nice thought, but it genuinely never occurred to anyone to just do something.” —Jessica

“I am now a 31-year-old post-menopausal woman. Hello, hot flashes, painful sex, decreased libido, and weight gain. In some ways I relate more to my parents' generation than my own. Not only is this isolating, but it also affects my sex life and body image.” —Lauren

“I feel that clinicians aren't really prepared to address the needs of pre-menopausal women. Work, family obligations, sexuality, and support systems are all different. We have aging parents who sometimes need our care or perhaps young children at home. Three of the four oncologists I visited failed to address sexual health at all. Similarly, for those of us dating or otherwise sexually active, our breasts are not simply two lumps under a shirt, but an integral part of our sexuality that needs to be considered in surgical decisions.” —Julie

“The ‘after’ is really the most difficult. Everyone expects or assumes you go back to ‘normal.’ But if you are in any kind of hormone suppression treatment, it is nothing close to normal. Experiencing menopause suddenly due to treatment, and not being forewarned about side effects from doctors. No one discusses sexual health. Another unwelcome side effect is how your appearance changes (weight, hair, skin) and it sucks if you are only in your 30s/early 40s to go through that then.”  —Name withheld

“[I wish others knew that] ‘you’re so brave’ isn’t helpful. That ‘you’ve got this’ isn’t encouraging.
That ‘warrior’ isn’t a compliment. I literally have to do this to live. It’s not a choice I’m making.” —Tiffany

“I hated being called strong. My body was literally broken.” —Tarin

“It was not a battle. I am not a warrior. I just went through something and now I’m here.” —Ariana

“Life doesn't always feel as enjoyable because you are always waiting for cancer to come back. I had to plan my life around treatments for an entire year and getting back to how things were before cancer doesn't seem possible.” —Jamie

“I wish that others knew that after treatment, it isn’t over. Life will never be the same as it was pre-diagnosis. From continuous surgical pains to the mental and emotional toll of losing hair, being put into menopause, etc…. We have a new normal, but still have this constant feeling on our shoulders that we’re ticking time bombs and it’s a matter of time before recurrence.” —Michelle

“The ‘after’ is really the most difficult. Everyone expects or assumes you go back to ‘normal.’”

“Unless you've had a cancer diagnosis yourself, you cannot begin to understand all that comes with that, and especially after. The trauma of harsh treatment lingers long after your hair has grown back, long after active treatment is over, long after such a personal body part has been poked and prodded and removed. It's both a blessing and a curse being so hyper-aware of what's going on with my body. The constant scanning of my body internally and externally is exhausting. It's why I'm ‘tired’ all the time. Every day is easier, but I wish people understood that I'll never be 100% over my cancer.” —Carrie

“It's very hard to face cancer at a young age and recognize the uncertainties you face for the rest of your life. It’s hard to have to negotiate a young marriage with breast cancer, to be a parent of young kids with breast cancer, and to worry about how it would impact them.” —Jennifer

“I wish people understood that being diagnosed with breast cancer at a young age completely disrupts the life you thought you were building, but you still have to keep going. I’m raising kids, working, trying to be present, all while managing a body and mind that feel like they’ve turned against me. It’s not just about treatment. It’s about the identity shift, the uncertainty, the invisible toll. Most days, I don’t look sick. But I’m navigating fear, fatigue, and a thousand decisions behind the scenes. I wish people knew how lonely it can feel and how strong you have to be to show up anyway. There’s grief, but also grit. This diagnosis didn’t take my hope. If anything, it’s made me fight harder for joy, for presence, and for the life I still get to live.” —Caroline

“You mourn the loss of the person you once were before the diagnosis, but on the flip side you really have a greater appreciation for life following a diagnosis. The trivial stuff no longer matters and you have a whole new outlook on life!” —Hannah