Breast Cancer Doesn’t Care Whom You Love

Welcome to The Breastcancer.org Podcast. The podcast that brings you the latest information on breast cancer research, treatments, side effects, and survivorship issues through expert interviews, as well as personal stories from people affected by breast cancer. Here’s your host, Breastcancer.org Senior Editor, Jamie DePolo.

Jamie DePolo: Hello. Thanks for listening. Breast cancer doesn’t care who you love. Today I have the privilege of talking to Jaci Field, a member of the LGBTQ+ community, who is going to discuss her breast cancer experience, her advocacy work, and living authentically in these turbulent times. Jaci, welcome to the podcast. 

Jaci Field: Thanks so much, Jamie. I'm glad to be here. Thanks for having me. 

Jamie DePolo: Great. So, let’s start, if you don’t mind, with your diagnosis. How old were you? Did you have a higher-than-average risk? Did the disease run in your family? Was it just a complete shock? If you don’t mind sharing that story.

Jaci Field: Yeah. Thank you. So, I was diagnosed in 2010 at the age of 39. I had my son at 35. No preconditions. No family history of cancer. So, a complete shock, yes. You know, it was the spring before I was diagnosed in August 2010 that I noticed a lump and I thought, you know, it could be anything. It could just be fibroids. I'm just going to keep checking. I’ll keep doing my self-checks. I knew how to do that. I had been doing those things. My mother was a breast cancer nurse so certainly I knew all the things to do and check for. 

And it just didn’t go away. You know, it started kind of deforming my breast and then I knew it was time to let’s go see what’s going on. You know, I think like most people you can tell that something’s different in your body. You know, I am an avid exerciser. I was a Division I track athlete and Division I professional coach. So, I love to work out. I thought it was kind of great that I was losing weight, and you know while I was cutting up, I felt great. It was the summer. So, those kinds of things I knew were going on in my body. And then, was diagnosed with stage IIIB estrogen-positive breast cancer. 

Jamie DePolo: Okay. I'm wondering, you said you were 39 when you were diagnosed. 

Jaci Field: Yes.

Jamie DePolo: So, just a year younger than when most organizations recommend mammograms start. I've talked to some younger women who have been diagnosed that have said it was kind of a problem to get doctors to prescribe a mammogram or to get more testing because the answer they got was, oh, you're too young. It can't be breast cancer. Now I know you were kind of right on the line. Did you have any of those issues?

Jaci Field: I didn’t. I think the good news is that I had an in to the community with my mother being a nurse. So, you know, it was pretty swift. All of the care was very swift. I saw my GP and she said, oh yeah, I agree. You need to go see someone. So, that’s when I reached out to my mother and said, I don’t know what to do next. And I got right in with my breast cancer surgeon first and then on from there. 

Jamie DePolo: Okay. Could you talk a little bit about your treatments if you’re comfortable? You said it was estrogen receptor-positive, and it also sounds like you had surgery so I'm assuming then there was tamoxifen or an aromatase inhibitor, maybe chemotherapy, not sure.

Jaci Field: Yeah. All the above. 

Jamie DePolo: Okay.

Jaci Field: Because it was so advanced and because I was so young certainly, they knew that folks that are younger it tends to be more aggressive. And so, we took a very aggressive stance with it as well. I had chemo first, you know, all the big guns. TAC, the first time. So, that was the first five to six months of that up until the first of the year. And then, surgery and a double mastectomy, and then radiation following that. And then, hormone therapy, tamoxifen after that. 

Jamie DePolo: Okay. Okay. Thank you. I heard you speak in San Antonio, and you talked about how you faced discrimination in your life, both because of your race and whom you choose to love. Did you have any issues or challenges during your diagnosis and treatment, you know, finding oncologists, surgeons, that were respectful and that you were comfortable with? Was that an issue at all?

Jaci Field: Well, I think finding that care for me wasn’t difficult, it was more about the fear of everyday. You know, as a gay woman, you know, a gay parent, it certainly feels like you have to come out again to every practitioner. 

Jamie DePolo: Every time you see a new doctor.

Jaci Field: That’s right. And it’s teaching them the right language, the right things to ask. You know, I was lucky enough to find a GP that is LGBT as well. So, certainly I had some great care there and some really thoughtful care for lesbians specifically and lesbian health and lesbian sexual health. So, that was a really good benefit, and she gave me some great tools to advocate for myself throughout my care. 

You know, as I mentioned in San Antonio, I think the difficult thing is you never know who’s going to walk in the room, right. You want the best care, everybody does, you know, you just don’t know. And so, that fear on top of the fears that go along with being diagnosed with breast cancer certainly are compounding. And then, I think it’s interesting not seeing very much representation of myself, whether it be as a biracial woman, as an LGBT person. I don’t always know that those spaces are welcoming on either front. And so, you know, those fears, one on top of the other on top of the other can be challenging to manage. 

Jamie DePolo: Sure. And then, you mentioned you had your son. I think he was four when you were diagnosed. 

Jaci Field: Yes.

Jamie DePolo: So, that was almost like another…I don’t want to say burden because children are not a burden, but just talking to him about it had to be tough. 

Jaci Field: Oh, sure. Yeah. You know, there are some really great books out there about how to talk to your kid about cancer. We’ve always been very open in our home about talking about our bodies, and health, and sexuality, and love, and acceptance. And so, it was a natural progression, and I think, you know, kids take their cues from the adults. And so, the first conversations I had were with the other adults in his family and in his world to help them know where I was going to frame the conversation so they could frame it in the same way, right? This is not the end of the world. That was one my first questions to my oncologist, is this going to kill me. 

Because if it’s not going to kill me then that reframes the whole issue for me, right? That means different things. That means that I dig in, I get educated, I know all the things, not only the chemo and all the therapies they were going to provide, but what else could I do to make this a win. And so, those conversations with my son were the same. You know, it’s scary. You know, mom will be sick sometimes, but we’ll get through it, and it will be really hard, and then we’ll be fine.

Jamie DePolo: Okay. Okay. How did you decide to become an advocate? Because as you just said, you weren’t sure you were going to be welcome in all these different spaces. You didn’t see a lot of representation. You know, sharing your story is not something everyone chooses to do. How did you make that decision to be kind of out there about it?

Jaci Field: Sure. Advocacy chose me early. And it was because I saw it modeled for me on my behalf. It started when I was an infant, my grandfather stood up for me to the matriarch of the family when she wanted to shun me. I was adopted right out of the hospital. Before I was born, I was adopted and I'm a biracial woman, black and white, and I was adopted to a white family. In southeast Missouri, you know, my parents didn’t think anything of it. They just thought that there was a baby that needed a home, but when they brought me home, I think some of the challenges started and it started with my own family. 

So, that advocacy that I saw from my grandparents and some of my other relatives and my own parents, that sparked it for me and allowed me to carry that forward throughout my life. So, whether it was, you know, I know I've recounted the story of playing with the kids in the neighborhood growing up and as they got older and formed different ideas and were exposed to different things, certainly I was exposed to things like, you know, KKK members, and all kinds of microaggressions throughout my life. Whether it was because of my race or because of my sexuality. But I never felt like I had a choice to be an advocate. It was something that I just needed to do, and I knew that I had a voice. I knew for some reason people listened to me. And so, it was my gift to give to the world because it had been given to me. 

Jamie DePolo: It sounds like you started when you were young being an advocate for yourself. Was that hard to do in your teens and 20s? You know, everybody’s kind of going through a lot of changes then. They’re not sure who they are as a person. All those kinds of things. Was that difficult at all?

Jaci Field: You know, it’s difficult to know that you always have to fight. We can't just be peaceful. It can't just be easy. But I also know that’s not the path that was chosen for me, you know. I was meant to be the voice. I was meant to be in front. I was meant to stand up for others because others stood up for me. So, for me, there are times when it is heavy, when it weighs, it weighs heavy on me, and I know that I have to stand up and do it because we’re worth it.

Jamie DePolo: Exactly. So, kind of following up on that, speaking of heavy and difficult things, I want to ask you about all the political things going on right now. The executive orders, how they’re affecting the LGBTQ, Black, and other minority communities. Is that becoming part of your advocacy work? I mean, I feel like it’s putting the burden back on the person, but I don’t know where it would go. But it’s just like one more thing that somebody with cancer has to do. 

Jaci Field: Yeah. Yeah. So, I think as we talk about it in the context of cancer, we know that survivors are always surviving, right? The care continues. We’re continually…I think every survivor has some worry that it will return. I've had one recurrence and as the years go on, I know that five years out exponentially the rate of recurrence goes down and then as I get older it starts to go up. You know, as we think about all of those pieces and the heaviness of what the administration is trying to do, trying to divide us, trying to take us back, yes, I continue to do this advocacy work. 

I'm on the board of the LGBT Alumni Association at University of North Carolina. So, I continue to advocate in that realm. I continue to advocate as a breast cancer survivor. I continue to be involved in the Black Caucus at the University of North Carolina. So, continuing to speak up and speak out on all of these things. You know, in North Carolina it was widely publicized in the news 15 years ago that our bathroom bill, you know, we conquered that and I spoke up and was part of that campaign. My son and I were part of the ad campaign for that. Just all the advocacy around that. 

And so, you know, we got to a place where we thought folks were going to leave trans folks or trans loved ones alone for a little bit and they got some peace and that’s great, some peace. And now, our Republican caucus in North Carolina has introduced another bathroom bill. So, going back, you know, they are following the lead of the executive administration, and they know that they can challenge these things. We know that in several states there are challenges coming for gay marriage, which again we won that great, great peace. I wrote ad campaigns for that advocacy, and we won. We have the right and it’s the law, and certainly those things are being challenged again as well. So, the fight never ends, and the strength never ends. We are ever stronger as a community, and we can endure this. 

Jamie DePolo: I'm happy to hear you say that. I'm sad that you have say it, but I'm happy to hear you say it. Kind of following up on the strength, I peeked at some of your social media posts, and it does seem that you're managing to find some joy, even with all these things going on. Could you talk a little bit about that just for other people in case they’re feeling a little bit hopeless or despondent, how you managed to find joy in some of the day-to-day things of your life?

Jaci Field: Sure. So, I’ll say first about all of the challenges coming out of the executive office. I want everyone to remember that history is cyclical. It’s hard, it’s difficult, we’re in a downturn and then we come out of it. And I feel like we’re just in the down of this cycle right now. And it may get harder, it probably will get harder. And then, we’ll start rising out of the ashes. We’ll start coming up the hill and we’re going to be okay again. Just like everything, we are presented with lessons over and over until we get it right. 

The good news is that we’re in a much better place than we were in the 50s and 60s when we were fighting these fights. We’re better equipped. We’re at a better place. They can't knock us down further. They can’t knock us down to where we were then. We’re much better. So, I want to give everyone hope in that we know this will change. We know that the wheel will turn, and we will come to the top again. 

And as far as joy, you know, I think it’s just reminding folks to find fun and peace and joy in the little things. Don’t forget to skip. I love to remind people to skip and how much fun it was when we were kids. When I was sick, both times, I made sure that I skipped every day. I made sure that I did a cartwheel at least once a week. Little, fun, silly things, right. We thrive. Our mental health needs play. And sometimes as adults when things are serious and heavy and hard, we forget to take those breaks to play and laugh and just be silly. And so, if you’re walking across a field or you're in your backyard or you're in a park and you're by yourself or you’re with somebody else, and you have a minute to skip or often I can be seen skipping from the grocery store back to my car. But just as the moment hits you, enjoy it. 

Jamie DePolo: That’s excellent advice. Excellent advice. Jaci, thank you so much. I don’t think I'm going to do a cartwheel today, but I am going to skip. Because I do, I get it, I love to skip. So, thank you so much for sharing your story, your message of hope and resilience. I really appreciate it, and I wish you all the good things in the world. 

Jaci Field: Thank you so much, Jamie. I appreciate you.

Thank you for listening to The Breastcancer.org Podcast. Please subscribe on Apple Podcasts. To share your thoughts about this or any episode, email us at podcast@breastcancer.org, or leave feedback on the podcast episode landing page on our website. And remember, you can find out a lot more information about breast cancer at Breastcancer.org, and you can connect with thousands of people affected by breast cancer by joining our online community.