Jamie's Story: Retirement Did Not Turn Out How I Expected
Jamie Vaughn is a Breastcancer.org Community member in Reno, Nevada, USA.
I had just retired one week prior to being diagnosed with stage II, HER2,+ estrogen/progesterone negative breast cancer. My life as I had known it, had changed drastically on June 11, 2022. After having the retirement party of a lifetime and looking forward to doing the fun traveling, golfing, camping, hiking, backpacking, etc. with my husband, breast cancer decided to intervene. I was so overwhelmed with shock, grief, anxiety, and all the emotions that come along for the ride. I went through five rounds of chemo and then a bilateral mastectomy with immediate DIEP flap reconstruction.
One piece of advice that I was given from the onset of my diagnosis was "DO NOT GOOGLE STUFF!!" We can really fall down a rabbit hole and it creates this doomsday outlook at times. I took that advice wholeheartedly and am so glad that I did.
If you are newly diagnosed, please allow others to help support you. I know for some people, it's hard. That's me. But I gave in to it and I felt supported and loved, which was so helpful. I wish I would have known about more options for breast surgery sooner than I did. I had zero knowledge about the type of breast surgery I ultimately had. It was only due to what I call, “kismet” that I was led to the right decision for me. Three separate friends of mine came to me to let me know that they had a friend who had the DIEP flap surgery and that I should investigate it. Luckily, I was given that information before I went down a path I didn't want to go down. Whatever is available in your area may not be all that you need to know. Research it, ask questions, and go with your gut and what feels right for your body. Get second opinions! The second and third opinions are ok! Again, go with your gut.
Some challenges have included finding my way out of the mental and emotional darkness at the beginning. I reached out to two wonderful therapists, and I still meet with them today, even throughout my post-cancer healing process. My husband has been my caregiver and we ran into issues too, especially, and surprisingly, post-cancer. We see a therapist on a regular basis so that we can communicate better. We both had to understand that we both have valid fears, concerns, anger, resentment, and [thoughts about] what post-cancer should look like. We realized that just because I am cancer free, the healing process is not “over” and may never be over. We have a “new normal.” We have maintained our wonderful marriage, but not without work. This is not a smooth sailing ride. Please trust your marriage/relationship and do the work. Our marriage is better now than before cancer. It's worth every step of the fight.
My emotions have been managed through therapy, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, hiking, camping, and interviewing wonderful survivors, caregivers, therapists, and various medical providers on my podcast that I launched on June 11, 2023, the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis. It's called Test Those Breasts! It has been incredibly healing, fulfilling, inspirational, and what I call very important work. Find an outlet that works well for you during your journey.
Today I am living out my retirement doing so many fun activities with my friends and family. I feel that I am significant, I make a difference, I am focused, and mindful about boundaries.
Breastcancer.org has provided such wonderful resources, support, advocacy, and inspiration.
If you have been diagnosed or you are a caregiver, you can do this! It's the only option you have and it's worth it!
