Sandra's Story: Lessons I Learned Through Two Diagnoses

My name is Sandra. In 1972, I was born to Sandra and John Charles. I have an older sister, Suzanne. My childhood was a loving and very happy one. I can recall fond memories of playing in my Nana’s backyard on the swing set, Mom taking us on family vacations, going to many amusement parks, yearly cookouts, and spending every holiday with my whole family. I considered myself a well-rounded, happy, confident teenager. At the mere age of fifteen, tragedy struck my family and my life was forever changed. My mother passed away of breast cancer and complications of polycystic kidney disease. She was forty six years old. Suddenly, my happy life was ripped up from underneath me like a tornado hit it.

As a young adult, I made my home with my Nana and my mother’s brother, Gideon. That decision saved me from the destructive path I was on. I found myself twenty years old, jobless, homeless, and pretty much hopeless. My uncle was an extremely generous man. He was also a very tough man. Uncle Giddy refused to allow my disruptive behavior and angry attitude. Looking back, he treated me with tough love. I was the child he never had and he was the dad I never knew. He gave me the opportunity that I needed to grow up and stand on solid ground.

As a productive woman in my 30s, I am now faced with some serious health challenges. I was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. I chose to have a lumpectomy and I am currently awaiting chemotherapy and radiation to cure my cancer. I know this part of my life will not be an easy road to travel but I have to be optimistic and hopefully become cancer free. I have found the strength and courage to conquer this by the power of prayers. I sit by myself and often think, "Why has God given me this to handle?" My thought is God only gives us what we can handle. I must be strong enough to rise above this devastating life change as I have done in the past.

As my journey continues, I had a small surgery the end of February 2012 to have a port a catheter placed in my chest. This was scary but the nurses were extremely kind and compassionate to me. During my outpatient visit, I had conscious sedation and very minimal pain. Several hours later, I was sent home with cut in my neck and a small instrument under my right chest. This device will allow the medical team to take blood and give me treatments without poking and prodding me each time. Unable to shower for couple weeks made life miserable — sponge baths were okay — however, not being independent to wash your own hair and waiting for someone to have time to help you was very degrading. I am fortunate that several of my friends made me a priority within their busy schedules.

I have started my chemotherapy treatment on March 2, 2012. I was terrified upon arriving at the cancer center. My girlfriend, Sue, came with me to comfort me. My nerves were on edge wondering what is going to happen and how will my body handle the strong chemo. Arriving was a delight — the nurse came and brought me into a room with a comfortable chair, TV, and explained everything in detail. I received several IV medications for nausea and chemo was on the way. A sweet woman from the cancer society came in and gave me a wonderfully, relaxing massage. Then, a little pet therapy dog came by for a visit. My fears were now subsiding, a nice lady came by several times and offered drinks and lunch. Finally, first chemo was done and I was on my way home. Actually, it was a pleasant experience under a bad circumstance.

Home after chemotherapy was not as bad as I was expecting. I took my nausea medications as directed and rested the first few days. My sister came and sat with me for several hours and that made me happy. My friend who is also my neighbor came up daily and kept me company for many hours. She is an extraordinary lady, she never made me feel like a burden to her. Susannah would call and say I will be up shortly even if it was just so I wouldn’t be alone. I was reassured that someone was always around in case I needed anything. Now, six days after chemo, I am feeling pretty well. I am easily tired but otherwise I am not doing too badly. Eating is a challenge some days; I must just take one day at time.

Several days before my next scheduled chemotherapy treatment my hair started to fall out. The falling hair was relatively small pieces that weren’t too noticeable. Next, I woke up to a pile of hair on my pillow. I was frantic, and tortured my sister for hours about what to do. After agonizing over the beautiful long blonde hair I once had, we called a hairdresser and shaved my head. Looking at my bald head was unconceivable. I wasn’t as prepared for the complete change in appearance as I thought I would be. I composed myself, took a deep breath and had to accept the new me. My best friend Natalie gave me a couple of hats, my girlfriend Sue bought me a cancer hat, plus I have two wigs — so the bright side is, I will be whomever I want for little while.

Second chemotherapy was a breeze. I was there for few hours and then home. I had my girlfriend right by my side and my friend who I call "Momma" Susannah. Time seemed to fly by this round — we watched television and had lunch, then it was time to go home. I was a bit more fatigued this time and I felt quite crappy the week after the second round. However, all and all, I think I am conquering this cancer like a trooper. I try hard to not let this bring me down. Another best friend named Bobby told me, "You got this. You're half way there and soon you will be all done." I am so thankful for all the love and support I am receiving from all of my friends and family. I would be lost without them.

April 11, 2012 was my third chemo treatment. As I mentioned before, I spent a few hours at cancer center and then was sent home. I have learned to accept the changes in my appearance. I seem to be less sick this time. My spirits are up because God sent me some unexpected money to survive on. I am still waiting for my disability insurance, which makes life very unsettled, always wondering where my next dollar will come from. I still suffer from severe pain each day and I often worry if all my efforts to cure my cancer will be successful. One thing I know for sure is the power of prayers has helped with my recovery tremendously. I am very thankful to the cancer society for contacting me and inviting me to a makeover on April 23, 2012 this sounds like an event that will brighten my day. I have one final chemotherapy treatment on May 2nd and then this part of my cancer journey through life will hopefully be behind me.

May 2, 2012 was my last day of chemo. I had a long day and I am exhausted but went well. My long-time friend Marissa came with me and sat all day keeping me company. First, we went to one doctor appointment and for blood work. Next, we had a break for couple of hours. We headed to McDonald’s for some lunch. Then, back to the doctor appointment and chemo. Glad I had her with me, and now this part of my cancer journey is over. The next part of my life will start in a month or so with 6 weeks of radiation. Can’t wait to see how that goes.

I had a little set back just before radiation, I was hospitalized for chest pain and shortness of breath. The doctors ordered a CAT scan and, low and behold, it detected that cancer had spread to mediastinum lymph node. Also, doctors discovered I was suffering from hyperglycemia. The last week of June, 2012, radiation starts. This was a long process 5 days a week for 7 weeks. Originally, I didn’t notice any change in my skin and things were going good. After 2 or 3 weeks into treatment the torque of burned skin occurred. Needless to say, I had a tough summer unable to enjoy simple things due to severe pain of third degree burns. Several times I wanted to quit and just give up. I found the strength to continue with a lot of support from my family and friends. My feline children, Tiny and Princess, gave me their unconditional love and they helped tremendously keep my spirit up allowing me once again to make it through treatment. Finally, another part of my breast cancer journey is complete.

Treatments have moved on to pill form. Tamoxifen is a hormone drug I will have to take for several years. The side effects are horrendous — hot flashes, mood changes — and I was told can cause many other problems. Some days I don’t feel like getting out of bed and other days I get angry at everything and anything. It's going to be a difficult road for me. Often times, I sit alone and just cry and feel very sad, realizing more and more that my mind and body is changed forever. As the days and months pass, I have found chemo has left me with memory problems, and radiation has left my breast skin sore and fragile. Since my illness, I am unable to walk long so I have to use a rollator walker to sit and rest. Also COPD, diabetes, and my back pain contribute and aggravate my mental health issues. My feet and hands ache constantly, sometimes my whole body is full of pain. Simple tasks I can’t accomplish like opening a pill bottle or soda. My girlfriend takes off all the covers to deodorant, hair products, and much more to make it easier for me to keep some of my independence.

I was hospitalized with a severe bacterial infection and cellulitis of the left breast. July 2013 has been a tough month for me once again. I suffered from severe stomach pain, vomiting, diarrhea, and high temperatures. At the beginning of the month I had an episode where I choked on an English muffin. My girlfriend once again was by my side and did the Heimlich maneuver and saved my life. As a result, I had several tests and I am awaiting EDG and colonoscopy. Doctors told me radiation caused my esophagus to narrow, and I have an ulcer. Fortunately, I have the kindest friends a woman could ask for. My close friend, Jeanm has been a true God sent. She was at the hospital daily to check on me and advocate for me — she works as a case worker, so her guidance is much appreciated. My other special friend, Lori, visited me regularly at home and in the hospital. These two special ladies always do little acts of kindness from buying coffee, vacuuming my rug, making a dinner, or just simply stopping over and saying hi. Words can’t express how much their friendship means to me.

Precious moments were passing by and sadness, anger, and resentment were taking over my mind. Depression and anxiety filled my mind on most days. For several years, overwhelming thoughts and emotions continue to flow through my head. I was stuck in a dark hole awaiting inevitable doom. I was told by doctors NED (no evidence disease). I was thankful, however, I was still emotionally crippled.

Along life’s way, I got another lifeline to pull me up from the darkness. In 2015, I met a little matted, dirty, scared puppy named Clyde. This chance encounter brought the sunlight back into me. Instantly, Clyde chose me as his person and our adventures began. Together, we taught each other invaluable lessons and eventually he became my service dog. Clyde accompanied me to doctor appointments, traveled, enjoyed vacations and life was flowing smoothly again.

Eight years had passed since being diagnosed with breast cancer. I routinely went for mammograms and they continued to be clear. Summer 2019, on my yearly mammogram, radiologists saw a very tiny change. Doctors confirmed invasive breast cancer in the opposite breast. I felt like I was standing in the middle of an ocean. The water was freezing and the sand was sucking my feet, swooping me underwater. Unable to breathe for a brief moment and thinking, "How can I go through this again?"

My second cancer journey my mindset was different. I was confident that I had a cancer team full of knowledgeable, kind, caring, and compassionate doctors and nurses who would save my life. My surgeon Dr. Cutitar made my plan. I had a lumpectomy and a few lymph nodes removed. Next, a port catheter was placed and ready for chemotherapy. Dr Strenger decided which meds will work best and I had three months of chemo. As a woman in my late 40s, I wasn’t as vain. "Bald is beautiful" was my attitude. Then came dreaded radiation burns for 8 weeks. Fortunately, when the pandemic happened I was half way through radiation. Lastly, I was told I should take aromatase inhibitors — anastrozole. I made a choice and refused that treatment.

Today, I am a mature woman in my 50s and I am thankful for the wonderful life I have. When I was first diagnosed with cancer I thought my life was over, my worst fate happened. A million things race through your head and fear takes the wheel. During that time it’s hard to find sunshine, a small ray of light that guides you to peace. Cancer gave me the opportunity to build wonderful memories and make beautiful friendships that I otherwise wouldn’t have. My experience has taught me to savor every minute. I now embrace all of life’s embarrassing mishap moments with laughter because those are keepsakes that will live on for generations.

 

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