The Best and Worst Gifts for People With Cancer

Gifts for people who have breast cancer can range from helpful gestures (cooking, cleaning, and offering a friendly ear) to physical items (like cozy blankets or clothing, sweet treats, or cards). Try not to worry too much about getting the “wrong” gift. Any gift — no matter how large or small, whether a physical present or a helpful task — can help a person to feel less alone in the illness. And you can never go wrong with showing up and helping out, which is usually the best gift of all. 

That said, some presents are more successful than others. Breastcancer.org Community members weighed in on the most touching — and the most head-scratching — gifts they received. 

Gifts that help people focus on self-care, such as luxurious lotion or a cozy throw, are nearly universally welcome. 

Help with a new wig: Zipmonk described being blown away by her hairstylist, who offered to custom cut her wig for free. “He charges $200 for a haircut, so it was no small thing!”

Soft clothing and blankets: “My favorite gift was from my sister-in-law — a super soft Vera Bradley bathrobe and blanket,” wrote needs.a.nap. “I wanted only the softest textures after surgery when all nerves are hypersensitive.”

False eyelashes: “Just because I might lose my eyelashes undergoing chemotherapy does not mean that I want to replace them with super long fake ones,” wrote beekaycro24. “I have never worn false eyelashes. I don't even wear mascara.” 

Hot/cold stuffed animals: “I’d say stay away from things that encourage heating (a friend gave me stuffed animal that can be microwaved for warm soothing) or chilling for post-surgery, since my doctors discouraged both warmth and icepacks on my newly numbed chest,” wrote girlnamedmaria, who also suggested not sending clothing items unless you’re sure of the person’s size and style.

A home-cooked meal can provide a healthy and nutritious option for a person in treatment — and their family, too. A treat, like a tray of cookies, or a healthier option like a fruit basket, is also usually appreciated. You can coordinate with others here (something like MealTrain can help) so that your friend doesn’t get five lasagnas one week and nothing the following week.

Gift cards for takeout: “My coworkers put up a collection and gifted me with over $400 in DoorDash gift cards,” maggiehopley wrote. “This was such a great gift, because I did neoadjuvant chemo [chemo that happens before surgery] and I could cook for my family when I felt like it, and order in when I didn't.”

Sweet treats: Breastcancer.org Community member snm recalled that neighbors “brought a bunch of homemade desserts for my kids to help lighten the mood post BMX [bilateral mastectomy].” Needs.a.nap said, “A close friend brought me an ice cream sundae one day and that was the perfect sweet gift!”

Dieting books: It took years before member zipmonk understood why she disliked a book on cancer and diet that some “wellness snobs” gave her. “The gift implied I had cancer because of what I ate,” she shared.

These can range from books of uplifting poetry and journals to pink warrior T-shirts and prayer shawls. Keep in mind that these are very personal, so be sure you consider the person you’re gifting. Motivational slogans, religious items, and pink-ribbon items won’t resonate for everyone.

Prayer quilt: One of beekaycro24’s favorite gifts was a knotted prayer quilt made by a cousin's quilting group at their church. “The quilters sew random knots of thread on the blanket after saying a prayer for me,” beekaycro wrote. “I take this with me to chemo. It's so comforting knowing so many prayers are being said for me.”

Breast cancer awareness ribbons: “An ex-friend gave me socks and a hat with them on it,” m0mmyof3 wrote. “I was gracious in my response to these gifts, but I was like internally: ‘Really? I don’t need reminders of my situation!’” 

A card is an easy way to let someone know you’re thinking of them. Don’t overthink it! Write something from the heart, and get it in the mail. Books and other reading material can be welcome, too — depending on the tastes of the person you’re buying for.

Homemade and store-bought cards:  “My breast surgeon made handmade cards for her patients and gave me one when I was going in,” Bcincolorado said. “I received many cards from friends. … DH [dear husband] put up a bulletin board to post them so I could see them from the bed. I still have all those and they mean a lot to me.”

Knowing someone’s thinking of you: “Best for me was kind words, cards, and meetings on Zoom — COVID was still around [when I was being treated] in July of 2021,” wrote katg.

Books about death: Bcincolorado was surprised when a book she received as a gift turned out to be the story of a person with breast cancer who died. Bcincolorado had started reading the book early on in treatment and wanted to “keep a good thought about survival.”

Tackling the everyday chores of a friend in treatment can help them feel some control during a time when life feels out of control. You can volunteer to clean their house or yard, pick up groceries, or drive their kids to afterschool activities. It’s a good idea to ask first, and be careful you’re not intruding.

Cleaning: “[J]ust as my sister was starting chemo, my brother and his wife arrived at her house and did a thorough cleaning and disinfecting of the house,” ashesara shared. “It was such an unselfish act of kindness, but the thought and effort that went into it lasts. I only just found out they did this when I recently disclosed my cancer [diagnosis]. They called me and offered their services prior to chemo. The only reason they told me was to convince me to accept their help. How wonderfully thoughtful.”

Rides and pet care: “[M]y neighbors drove [me] and picked me up at the hospital,” canarycat said. “They fed my cats and tended to their litter boxes for four days while I recouped.” 

Planning a trip: “Two childhood friends and a third one have schemed to make a trip with me back to where we met and became lifelong buddies: Stavanger, Norway. I’ll be off the Verzenio and rebuilding strength for 6 months before our trip,” wrote kathrynw1thasea.

No gift is going to make or break your loved one’s experience with breast cancer. It doesn’t matter if you end up buying a scented candle for someone who is bothered by strong smells, or a book for someone who’s been too tired out by treatment to read. What matters is that you make clear that you care about them and are here to help them navigate their new normal. 

As kathrynw1thasea wrote, “I honestly can’t think of a ‘bad’ gift. Even the ‘You are strong! You’ll beat this!’ statements were meant with the best of intentions.”